by babybrownbear

Travel With Your Kids

Now that we’ve established how much I enjoy traveling without kids, I thought it would be prudent to share how much I like to do it with them, too. It’s certainly different (read: more crap), but still wholly worthwhile. I say this at the tail end of both a camping weekend and trip to Disney, the holy grail kiddie Mecca, maker or breaker of traveling with children. If I still love to do it, then you know I mean it.

I mean, come on.

When my now-toddler was a baby, we took him everywhere (except international, because we’ve selfishly kept that for ourselves). In fact, he visited 13 states in his first two years. While our now-baby hasn’t traveled quite to that same degree, she’s no slouch on travel protocols either. I recognize it’s not cheap to travel, whether by car, train, bus, boat, or plane. But in case you weren’t aware, kids under two do fly free on your lap within the U.S. As you can see, we really took advantage of that with our first and intend to do so as much as possible with the second, too.

Maybe you don’t like to travel in general. If that’s the case, skip this post. Just know that I think there’s a kind of travel for everyone, and it’d be a real shame if you–and your kids–miss out on the chance to explore the world around you. If you don’t like to travel because you don’t want to be around people–which is completely fair–take a road trip to somewhere in the country. If you don’t like to plan, try outsourcing it to a friend or travel agent. Just don’t dismiss it altogether.

If you do share my propensity to jet set, but are, like many of my friends, a little intimidated to do so with children, look no further. I’m here to help dispel your fears and doubts by sharing some of my wisdom for traveling with little ones. Many blogs have done this before, so I’ll try to keep it simple.

The Only Traveling-With-Kids Advice You Need

Have no expectations and go with the flow. End of story.

Somewhat timely GIF, no? #royalwedding [Source]

Now’s about the point where you want to slap me in the face and tell me to STFU, right? No expectations and go with the flow? Yeah, okay. If we were truly able to do that, we wouldn’t be parents of the modern age. It’s nearly as bad as when people tell you to “just relax.” However, with the understanding that it’s never easy to just let go, that is precisely what I recommend you do when you’re gearing up to travel with children.

Keep going, I promise I’ll get less annoying. [Source]

Despite my rather long introduction, it’s not a big deal, guys. That’s what I’m trying to get at here. Ultimately, it’s just like every other part of parenthood: something that’s wrought with both challenges and rewards.

Because I’m feeling particularly loquacious today, I’m not going to leave you with just that. While I’m not lying when I say it’s your best bet for having a good time on your travels, I’ll do my best to impart my simplest, tried-and-true travel tips right in this here post.

Regardless of how much you read up beforehand or how much junk you lug with you, though, not everything will go according to plan and you’ll undoubtedly experience some choppy waters while you’re on your trip. If you don’t go in with a strict “plan,” you won’t be all that disappointed when things don’t quite follow it. After all, isn’t it the very nature of children to be unpredictable?

Some level of chaos will ensue

A tantrum or two (or what feels like infinity) ~~might~~ will definitely happen, sleep might be interrupted to the point of exhaustion, or you might run out of some item you deem necessary. So what? All of those things can occur just as easily at home, too. At least in my mind, all of the positive experiences you gain on a trip–even if it’s just spending some quality time together outside of your normal routine–far outweigh those minor inconveniences. Tantrums? They subside. Sleep? You’ll eventually get it again. That’s what caffeine is for. Kid supplies? There are probably kids where you’re going. Ask someone where you can purchase something similar. If you can’t find it, take a deep breath and know that children survived for hundreds of thousands of years without it. Yours will too.

And for those moments when your own survival is in question, send a frustrated selfie to your spouse who’s sleeping peacefully at home. It accomplishes nothing but feels pretty damn good.

But it’s so worth it

All of those minor blips in time will pass and be forgotten, unlike the memories you’ll cherish forever. Sure, your kids may be too young to remember anything, but you will. (And if all you remember is how terribly something went, then I have two things to say: 1. You probably need a general shift in perspective; and 2. Time has a funny way of softening those blows, too.)

One of my all-time favorite pictures.

TL;DR: it’s all temporary, so you might as well enjoy it

If you’re going for a decent amount of time, then your kid will adjust to a new schedule. If you’re not, then you’ll just need a couple of days to get back on track. Either way, it’ll be over before you know it.

[Source]

Keep in mind that some of the biggest benefits of traveling are expanding your worldview and forcing yourself outside of your comfort zone. If nothing else, these are just magnified with children in tow.

All of that said, I’m not your therapist and lest I start advising you to try and relax (there’s that awful piece of advice again), I don’t have great counsel in terms of how to actually shift your expectations. That’s on you. Instead, here are some practical tips on how to ease your travel.

What to Pack

In general life terms, I tend to be a less-is-more kind of person. This extends to my parenting philosophy–which is why my daughter can sometimes be seen chewing on plastic cutlery in lieu of toys–especially when traveling. (It does not, however, appear to extend to the length of this post.) With that in mind, there are some things you’ll want to have in your bags to ensure smoother sailing, regardless of where you’re going.

Must-haves

Clothes and a hat

This is a no-brainer, but I’d like to remind you to bring a few extra outfits because much like movie-promoting celebrities, kids often require a midday costume change. If you’ll have access to a washing machine on your trip, this is obviously less important. If not, bring extra clothes and throw in a wet bag for good measure.

My other favorite travel accessory is a good ol’ sun hat. I’ve been a big fan of this one from i play because it shields kids’ necks and holds up well in the pool.

My favorite hat and my favorite girl.

Tools of distraction

What I really mean is, bring food and new, exciting toys. One of the great things about having an almost-three-year-old is that he can finally carry his own backpack of crap, but believe me, you’ll want these regardless of your mode of transportation or age of your kids. This music maker from Baby Einstein is my favorite travel toy for babies, and for toddlers I love the Fire 7 Kids Edition Kindle (trust me, screen time will be your travel ally) and this Transformer car (though any vehicle would do).

Or he can just dump the toys out and wear it! Whatever works.

Easy and transportable snacks include packets from Plum Organics, raisins, and pretzel rods (for kids of all ages).

Baby carrier

One of my best tips for you, especially when traveling with babies or young toddlers, is to babywear. I cannot stress this enough. For the infant age, I loved my Baby K’tan Breeze.

Totally ignoring the scenery.

For babies and toddlers, I’ve loved the ergobaby Mesh 360.

Any hike is easy when you’re being carried in an Ergo.

For hiking with older toddlers, I am a huge fan of the Deuter Kid Comfort 2.

Okay, so we obviously enjoy hiking. Note: I really ought to take more pictures with my daughter.

Wearing your kid is beneficial for many reasons. It frees up your hands, keeps baby close to you for his and your comfort, and allows you to nurse on-the-go. If you haven’t figured out how to do this yet, I strongly urge you to experiment until you do. In fact, nursing is another one of the best travel tips I can give because it helps soothe your baby in an otherwise new environment.

All of these benefits are invaluable in an airport (despite my not showing pictures of me carrying my babies anywhere but on hikes). You’ll also find that a carrier comes in handy while you’re actually in your destination. Plus, kids love falling asleep in carriers. It’s a win-win.

Dads can babywear too!

Birth certificate

This really only matters if you’re flying, but don’t forget the birth certificate, mostly if you’re taking advantage of the kids-under-two-fly-free-on-your-lap policy. I’ve flown on nearly all airlines with my kids and have found that while some airlines always require it (Southwest), others will occasionally request to see it, too. Your best bet is to have a copy in case it’s needed. I just keep a copy of both birth certificates next to my ID, and that seems to work well for us.

Nice-to-haves

These are some things I usually end up packing with me, but I’ve also often just bought once I’ve gotten there. Either way, you wouldn’t regret them.

Ibuprofen

You never know when your kid is going to get sick or suddenly sprout a tooth. I usually sneak a bottle of ibuprofen in my bag because it lasts longer than acetaminophen and is an anti-inflammatory, meaning those achy gums will be better relieved.

Sunscreen

My fair-skinned children require a good amount of sunscreen, so I typically bring it with me so I don’t have to worry about it later. I personally prefer Babyganics Sunscreen for everyday use and Badger Balm Anti-Bug Sunscreen for camping and hiking.

Don’t bother

Pack ‘n’ play and other gear

If you’re traveling to a hotel, they most likely have a pack ‘n’ play or crib they can put in your room upon check-in. Just call and add it to your reservation. If you’re visiting someone’s home, ask if they have an extra or could borrow one from a friend. If you’re renting a place like an AirBnB, look into baby equipment rentals in the area. One of these three options has yet to fail me on all of my traveling-with-kids adventures. When driving, however, it’s often easiest to just bring it along if you have the space.

As for other baby gear, you don’t need it. Like everything else, you’ll figure out an appropriate workaround. Honestly, any alternative is easier than lugging all that clunky, heavy stuff.

Diapers

Pack your carry-on with as many diapers as you’d need for the day, then worry about buying more for your trip once you’re actually there. Diapers are way too bulky and cumbersome to worry about packing in a suitcase, and you’ll find them no matter where you’re going.

Top 3 Tips for Air Travel

1. Check all your crap

If you’re taking advantage of the lap child policy, you’ll need to head to the ticket counter to add the kid to your ticket anyway. While you’re there, you might as well check your bag (I like to use a big one for the whole family) and your car seat(s) if you’ll be using a car while you’re away. (I’ve used rented car seats once and was so unimpressed, I likely won’t do it again.) While all airlines allow you to check your car seat and stroller for free (although some have weight limits, so do your homework), free checked bags are one of the things that differentiate Southwest to me. In general, I find them to be the most kid-friendly airline before, during, and after the flight takes place.

When checking these kid items, I’ve also found it’s easiest to get the big red bags for car seats and strollers since they’re so easy to spot and help keep the items clean. Unfortunately, you do run the risk of your stuff getting manhandled a bit, but in almost three years, it hasn’t been a problem for me.

Car seat in bag plus large suitcase, ready to be checked.

My routine is such that I usually check the bag and car seat, get my boarding pass, then head to security with my baby carrier and lightweight umbrella stroller (unless I’m going somewhere I won’t use one). Then during the security check, I wear the baby, fold up the stroller, and proceed to the gate, where I get a gate-check tag for the red stroller bag. Then right before I board, I fold up the stroller once more, stuff it in the red bag, and drop it off on the jet way with other gate-check bags. This sounds involved, but it’s an easy routine when you actually move through the steps, and strangers are almost always willing to help if needed.

What’s nice about having the stroller in the airport is that you can lug around a kid who is otherwise slow and/or not cooperative. If you end up continuing to wear baby, then you at least have a nice little storage seat for your carry-on bag to help save your back a bit.

Another bonus to bringing a stroller: naps on the go. What better way to enjoy a Mai Tai on the beach than with a sleeping child?

2. Tire your kid out before you board

Many airports have play areas for children. Philadelphia and San Francisco both come to mind immediately, though I know I’ve seen several. Take advantage of these designated areas to let your kid exhaust himself as much as possible before he’s forced to sit still for a few hours.

This was taken at SFO, where they actually do have a kids’ play area despite this not being it. The point is, he was entertained, and that’s all that matters.

If you’re in an airport without a designated kids’ area, look outside and see wonder on your kid’s face as he takes in all the planes, trucks, and cars whirring by. This has provided us with endless hours of entertainment.

“Mommy, wook! Boo trucks!”

3. Choose a window seat

You may think it would be best to sit in the aisle seat so you can get up easily with kids, but I have learned (the hard way) that window seats are ideal. First of all, they allow kids to see outside and stare at clouds or whatever else is out there. Better yet, window seats allow you to turn to the wall for a bit more privacy if you need to soothe your kid. They also allow kids to play with the armrest without bothering your neighbors. More still, they provide a headrest or more wiggle room if your kid falls asleep on you and stretches out. Finally, window seats mean window shades, and boy have those come in handy for last-resort distractions. I’ve also had friends buy those dollar store sticky window decals for flights, and I think that’s a wonderful idea.

The emergency landing manual has never failed, either. Nor has a basic flashlight, surprisingly.

If you’re flying an airline that allows you to choose your seat ahead of time, book yourself or your kid in the window. If you’re flying Southwest, remember families can board between groups A and B. I’ve never had an issue finding a window seat at that time.

No matter the seat you do choose, if you’re a breastfeeding mom, be prepared to nurse a lot on your flight, especially during takeoff and landing, since the sucking motion helps prevent ear discomfort for the babe. The release in oxytocin should also help make your baby drowsy, and let me tell you, a sleeping baby is the best kind of traveling baby. When they’re not as pliable or likely to nurse at any time of the day, have a water bottle with a straw ready to go during changes in altitude.

Yes, Toddler Bear, I agree that the Chicago skyline is mesmerizing.

Top 2 Tips for Car Travel

1. Plan on a few short breaks

I have to pee regularly anyway, so I already know I’ll have to stop on a road trip. This is beneficial during trips with our kids because it allows us time to get them out of their car seats to stretch their legs too.

Even if stretching their legs is done on yours.

2. Find music you and your kid will enjoy

Someone once gifted us with this CD of children’s songs, and it is incredible how instantly it helps both of our kids settle down when they’re feeling restless. Compared to a lot of children’s music, I’ll freely admit I even kind of like it. Maybe it’s because I’ve listened to 99,000 spirited renditions of “I’ve Been Workin’ on the Railroad,” but I can’t but help sing right along.

This just might be the best $5 you’ll ever spend. [Source]

Camping with Kids

Camping with kids is really fun, too. See my previous post for tips on this particular version of travel.

Have Fun and Record Your Stories

Some of my favorite–or most laugh-out-loud–parenting memories have come from our trips together. For example, I remember the first flight I took with a newly minted toddler. He was extra active, climbing on my legs, yodeling at the people behind us, blowing raspberries and basically motorboating me, and being all-around wiggly. When I finally got him to stop and have a sip of water, I didn’t take into account that the pressure change would cause the water trapped in the straw to burst out like a geyser at all of those around us. If only I had this on film. (Moral of the story: appreciate while you can how easy it is to travel with a baby.)

With time and distance, I’ve now also come to find the silver lining in that one god-awful time my son screamed throughout the entire first flight, subsequent run through the airport, and boarding of our second flight. Once he finally fell asleep, he curled right up against my then-30-weeks-pregnant belly. His soon-to-be sister took the opportunity to begin pursuing her life goal of irritating him, because she wouldn’t stop kicking against his head. Little did he know how in-his-face she’d later become. Now when I think back to that day, I remember the cuddles and the belly kicks, and not the exact pitch at which I finally went insane (okay, maybe a little of that).

Minutes after he finally passed out on the aforementioned flight from hell. Now, in retrospect, I can appreciate how sweet this moment was.

And that’s not even to mention all of the memories I have from once we’ve arrived at our destinations. For example, I’ll never forget the first time my daughter went hiking in the Rockies or sprawled out in our tent, effectively leaving me with a sliver of space between her and my snoring toddler. I’ll never forget the first time my son dipped his feet in the ocean.

As you can probably tell from my face, I had no idea that wave was coming. Good thing kids are resilient.

I’ll never forget when he decided to go swimming with a sweet potato fry or the look of adoration on his face as he met the Disney princesses.

Love at first sight.

These memories are the ones that will stick with me, not the ones of nights without sleep. It’s true that traveling changes you, and I can assure you that traveling with your kids will do so tenfold, because what you learn on your journey may embed itself into the very core of who you are as a parent.

I do not deny that it’s expensive to travel, and more so with kids. But if it’s within your means, by whatever means necessary, I say you go for it. Don’t let children or your fear of traveling with them interrupt your desire to explore the world. Life is entirely too short to quell your sense of wanderlust because you’re not sure how to navigate with kids. Like anything else, sometimes the best and most rewarding way to experience something is through baptism by fire. You just have to jump in and take comfort knowing you’ll probably land on your feet one way or another. If you can parent at home, I promise you can parent afar.

Now go book your trip, pack your bags, and have fun. Bon voyage!

Never doubt it. [Source]

05.01.18

by babybrownbear

Top 5 Reasons to Visit Bermuda

For years, one of my friends has claimed Bermuda to be her favorite place in the entire world. I never gave it much thought–I mean, yeah, islands are amazing–until I was looking at places to visit over a much-needed long weekend sans kids. After some quick research, and upon discovering that flights to Bermuda were about the same as flights to Phoenix or New Orleans (yes, really), I decided it was high time to see for myself what she’d fallen in love with many years before.

Long story short, I was not disappointed.

IMPORTANT: All beach and/or ocean photos in this post are 100% unedited. That water is completely real and even more breathtaking in person. This was a shot of the pink sand beach of Horseshoe Bay.

Before I disclose why, and subsequently why you should absolutely add Bermuda to your travel bucket list, let me disclose a few other things.

One, we travel a lot, even now that we have kids (although less than before, because, well, money). Travel is one of my biggest life values; it invigorates me like nothing else. I am aware that traveling as much as I have makes me very lucky and I try not to take it for granted. I am also grateful to my husband for supporting my ringing sense of wanderlust even though it’s not as high on his list of priorities. I like to think we make a good team.

You may be surprised to hear we travel because, surprisingly, this is my first travel post. (I did blog about my trip to Scandinavia on another friend’s blog a few years ago. Check out my posts about Sweden, Norway, and Denmark.) I always intend to post after we travel somewhere new, but I just haven’t gotten around to it (add it to the list of things I’ve not yet covered). Anyway, this is still fresh and the weekend was so short, I felt it would be a great segue into more travel blogging. Let’s hope you agree.

Secondly, this post is not an ad nor is it sponsored in any way (although I’m totally open if any other island destinations want to prove why they’re even better). The enthusiasm you read from this post is 100% genuine as are my recommendations for places to eat, stay, and explore.

Now that we’ve crossed those t’s, let’s move on to the top five reasons why you should visit Bermuda.

Why Bermuda Should Be Your Next Vacation Destination

1. It’s so close

Despite being included in the long list of Caribbean islands in the Beach Boys song “Kokomo,” Bermuda is, in fact, in the Atlantic Ocean. It’s basically along the same latitude as South Carolina. While this meant mid-April temps were a little chillier than we had hoped–though mid-70s felt plenty like paradise after this long Chicago winter–it also meant we were only a two-hour flight from Philadelphia. Since Philly is only an hour and a half away from Chicago, we were in Bermuda in the time it would take us to reach LA. Not bad.

And, for what it’s worth, those cooler mid-April temps also meant our visit fell in the off-season, when it’s slightly cheaper and much less crowded. We may have had to wear wet suits when snorkeling and cardigans at night, but those two things made up for it.

So small, the map doesn’t even show land.

2. It’s small, safe, clean, and convenient

Prior to visiting, I didn’t know much about Bermuda aside from the fact that it’s one of the biggest insurance hubs in the world (which is why, according to the UN, it has the fourth highest GDP per capita). That’s certainly true, and it’s apparent that there’s a lot of wealth on the island, but I also discovered that it’s a small but proud country with a rich history and charming people.

Bermuda is only 24 miles long and averages about a mile wide. To put that in perspective, people voluntarily run farther than this for fun. The population is only about 65,000, meaning the entire island is only slightly larger than my alma mater (hook ’em). The country values privacy, making it a popular haunt for celebrities. According to a taxi driver of ours, paparazzi are unable to get work visas and therefore have their equipment confiscated upon arrival. More importantly, though I think that’s noteworthy, crime is low. As someone told us, it’s not exactly inconspicuous for a thief to lug a stolen TV on the back of their scooter. Bermuda is so safe that many people apparently leave their doors unlocked. The relatively small and interconnected community is likely also to thank for that, though I can’t be sure.

Also important for US travelers, the exchange rate between currencies is equal, so Bermudian dollars and US dollars are accepted interchangeably. Tourists are not allowed to rent cars in Bermuda, so taxis, buses, or scooters are the primary form of transportation around the island. We used taxis, and they were all very easy to arrange. Basically, there’s not a lot of guesswork to be had. Another bonus in terms of easy travel for Americans is that English is Bermuda’s official language. Needless to say, it’s a perfect little oasis for even the most timid traveler.

And if you’re into that kind of thing, it’s got some of the weirdest knickknack souvenirs I’ve ever seen.

Huh?

Wtf.

3. Bermudians are extremely friendly and accommodating

We stayed at Cambridge Beaches Resort and Spa on the western tip of the island and it provided the perfect getaway. Before I continue, take a look at the following pictures all taken of the hotel property so you can see for yourself.

I first corresponded with the staff to arrange transportation from the airport, and I could immediately tell our stay would be fantastic. Everyone we spoke to was warm, hospitable, and helpful, which is obviously something you hope to find at a resort (but don’t always). What was unique in the people we encountered at Cambridge Beaches, however, was that their warmth and friendliness seemed authentic and not just because it was their job to be nice. This was true of every single person we came across on our stay in Bermuda. Yes, many of the people we encountered were in the hospitality industry, from the hotel to restaurants to taxi drivers to the scuba instructors. But even the random Bermudian people we met out and about struck up delightful conversations with us and genuinely seemed to want to help make our experience on Bermuda the best it could be. It’s like everyone on the island was trained in being travel guides. As someone who likes doing this for Chicago visitors, I felt like I was with my kind of people.

4. The food and drinks are delicious

When you’re parents to two young children and you have a long weekend to yourselves (with a couple of your closest friends), you absolutely look forward to consuming copious amounts of tropical drinks. Luckily, Bermuda is known for two such cocktails in particular: the Rum Swizzle, basically rum punch, and the Dark ‘n’ Stormy, dark rum and ginger beer. Despite my affinity for Mai Tais, I’m not usually that fond of rum. I am fond of drinking what the locals recommend, though, and I can’t say I was let down.

The famed Rum Swizzle.

The even more famed Dark ‘n’ Stormy.

I may have been too hungry to take pictures of the food we ate (not sorry), but rest assured I took my stereotypical beach drink pics. You’re welcome.

Though I don’t have any of those food pictures, the food was so good I, at the very least, owe you the names of the restaurants I’d suggest. As you can imagine, Bermuda’s fish is plentiful, fresh, and absolutely delicious.

One of our first meals on the island was also perhaps one of the best, the wahoo fish sandwich on raisin bread with the works at Woody’s. We were actually en route to a different restaurant when a taxi driver persuaded us to avoid the “tourist trap” and eat at Woody’s instead. I’m so glad we did, because the sandwich was perfectly crafted and very reasonably priced (as were their Rum Swizzles).

On the other end of the spectrum was another great meal at Tamarisk, a fine dining restaurant conveniently located in our hotel. There, I’d highly recommend the lemon pepper-crusted red hind followed by the vanilla-lavender ice cream with a brownie and hazelnut sauce. I wish that meal were in front of me right now.

Another hit was our meal at Bonefish in the historic Dockyard. I thoroughly enjoyed my Mai Tai and salad with perfectly grilled and seasoned snapper, and the bite I had of the fish tacos was also something to write home about.

The Dockyard is a former royal naval base, active between the mid-1700s to the mid-1900s. Now it’s a touristy area with all sorts of shops and restaurants, but it was neat to read the historical signs posted in the vicinity.

My last recommendation is for the Henry VIII Sushi Bar and Pub. One, how can you not be drawn to that delightfully strange combination of foods? Two, their butter chicken, because it makes sense that Indian food was also on the menu, was very tasty. If you visit, I’d recommend going during the day because the ocean views from the restaurant, which we visited at night, looked like they would have been fantastic with more light.

Lionfish, a non-native, invasive, and venemous fish, is prevalent in Bermudian waters. One of the scuba divers on our snorkel trip called himself a “lionfish hunter” and caught these two throughout the day. That said, they are apparently quite tasty. (Friendly reminder: venomous is when something injects venom and poisonous is when something deadly is ingested. They are often exclusive of each other.)

5. It’s gorgeous

I can show you as many pictures as I want, but the true beauty of Bermuda is hard to describe without seeing it firsthand. The pink sand beaches strike a beautiful contrast against the serene waters of cerulean, aquamarine, turquoise, and cobalt. The vivid green vegetation is perfectly scattered amongst the brightly colored homes tucked away from the curved two-lane roads. Bermuda’s 24 miles sure pull a picturesque punch in a small amount of space.

Our taxi rides were certainly helpful in showing us more of what the island had to offer, but my favorite–and probably most incredible–views came from our snorkel adventure.

Thank goodness for the wet suits.

We used Blue Water Divers because they accommodated both scuba divers, like our friends, and snorkelers, like us, on the same boat. We took a half-day trip out around two sites: the Marie Celeste, a nineteenth century Confederate paddle steamer shipwreck, and a reef. The water was chilly, hence the wet suits you see above, but incredibly clear. I honestly had no idea the water in the Atlantic could be so clear. Our friends dove down 53 feet to the bottom of the shipwreck, and, amazingly, I could see the them clearly from my position on the surface. As I floated above the scuba divers’ bubbles and cautiously took note of the Portuguese man o’ wars, I observed sunbeams shining through the water all the way to the bottom of the ocean. It was almost as if I were a modern-day Ariel luxuriating in the sun-rippled sand. That is if Ariel were wearing a black seal suit and shivering at the surface. To-may-to, to-mah-to.

If you find yourself seeking your own snorkeling princess adventure, I do highly recommend Blue Water Divers. The captain and crew went out of their way to ensure our safety–especially that of the scuba divers–and followed suit of all other Bermudians in their overall travel guide helpfulness. Plus, one of the scuba instructors and I bonded over breastfeeding, so that’s fun.

I sadly have no underwater pictures, but here are some more (unedited) photos to demonstrate the splendor that is Bermuda.

Had to throw in a stereotypical vacation picture.

Also Good to Know

It’s a great to place to visit with friends

Bermuda’s close proximity and reasonable off-season prices made for a great long weekend getaway with some great friends.

None of this would have been possible without generous grandparents

Thanks to Grandma and Granddad, our kids spent a fun-filled weekend at home while we were gallivanting around an island. It’s amazing how relaxed and refreshed you feel after spending three nights away from your kids. Thank you, Mom and Dad!

But for real, if it’s within your means, you should take a weekend away from your kids

Of course you’ll miss them dearly and end up spending a good chunk of your time discussing them with your spouse, but do it anyway. It’s so important to have alone time with your significant other, especially because it’s easy to lose focus on each other in the everyday grind of raising kids. Imagine waking up on your own schedule or consuming as much alcohol as you want without worrying about its effects the next morning (just kidding, you still can’t drink much because now you’re old and you know better). Or imagine spending more than two minutes in the shower or on the toilet without a little voice calling from the other side of the door, “Mommy! Where ARE you?!” or, “Mommy! What are you DOING?!” Can you picture it? It’s even more magical than you think. Plus, taking a few days away is a great way to help you reset and remember all the amazing things about them instead of feeling worn down by the tantrums and lack of sleep. Absence and the heart…

Coffee-in-robe-without-kids-talking-to-or-touching-me time. Ahhh.

Of course a board game made the trek with us.

When you’ve consumed your body weight in sugary drinks, you turn to this beach classic for an alternative. It looks like an ad, no?

We have only a handful of photos taken of the two of us in the last two years. This trip makes up about half of them.

Pro tip: if you plan to leave your exclusively breastfed baby for a few days, start pumping early. I swear, lemon-lime Gatorade and oatmeal helped increase my supply enough to pump one bottle’s worth of milk a day on top of what I was feeding her. That adds up quickly. The only bummer was having to pump routinely during the vacation. It would have been better if I had a good way to store that milk, but it was much easier for me to dump it as I went. Even though I was prepared and felt confident in that decision, there is something extremely cringe-worthy and tear-inducing about dumping your breastmilk down the sink.

Somewhere, an angel cried when I took this picture.

Book Your Trip!

One final recommendation if you plan to go is to browse travel packages on the major airline sites. By booking our hotel and airfare together, we ended up saving around $400. That’s $400 more to spend on Rum Swizzles. Just sayin’.

Ah, Bermuda. I haven’t even been back at home for a week yet and I’m already ready to start planning our return.

03.21.18

by babybrownbear

Prayers from the Nonreligious

Life is full of tragedy. It’s also full of happiness and light, and for that we can take comfort, but there’s simply no denying or escaping life’s sorrow.

In fact, I believe that to endure it is part of what makes us human. Our tragedies, both individual and shared, lead to periods of reflection and evaluation. They are the impetus for change and growth, adding a new layer to our unique stories and redirecting the trajectories of our lives. No matter the degree, grief and anguish do not leave us unscathed. Though the wounds may heal, tragedy cuts deep. It transforms us and often rightfully compels us to redefine ourselves.

It’s easy, of course, to so blithely describe tragedy given the benefit of time and distance. In the moment, tragedy leaves us raw and aching. It’s awful and, in many cases, unavoidable. Melancholy, restlessness, misery, depression, illness, separation, violence, loss; tragedy presents itself in various ways. It is simultaneously relatable and singular. It is abundant.

Perhaps I feel this way because I’ve matured into a more cognizant member of society. Perhaps it’s because I’m of a certain age and my peers and I now have real adult responsibilities and problems, like divorce or aging parents. Perhaps it’s simply more prevalent now than ever before, though I sincerely doubt that. It’s clear to me, regardless of why, that tragedy is everywhere and affects everyone to some extent at some point.

As a decent human being with self-diagnosed heightened levels of empathy–it should come as no surprise to hear that I’m a deeply emotional being–my chest hurts when someone I care about is suffering. I am keenly aware of how it feels to have a heavy heart and am grateful to whomever first coined the term as it is incredibly apt in many circumstances. I try my best to listen and help, or, at the very least, let that person know I’m there for support. But depending on the situation, saying “I’m here for you” just doesn’t seem like enough. Finding the proper words, however, is tough.

Beyond offering to “be there” for someone, my first instinct is usually to say that I’m “thinking and praying” for them as well. They’re words I grew up saying and somehow continue to feel right because they suggest that I’m spending a good deal of mental and emotional energy trying to conjure positive and supportive vibes. The problem, though, is that I’m no longer religious and don’t technically “pray” either.

While many of the people to whom I say this may not know this fact about me, those who do may wonder about my choice of words. Over time, I’ve become hesitant to use them, often leaving out “prayer” altogether at the risk of sounding irreverent or disingenuous, especially to those who are also nonreligious. Neither is the case; I am very sincerely issuing some sort of prayer to the universe about that person and his or her situation. It’s just that my version of a prayer is not directed to any single god or any god at all, necessarily.

My history with religion is not all that unique or interesting. Like many of my contemporaries, I grew up Catholic but lost my connection to it for a variety of reasons. I’ve dabbled with other forms of Christianity, mostly to be supportive of family members who are religious, and have tremendously enjoyed the sense of community I feel in each church I’ve attended. I don’t have anything against organized religion (unless it’s a church that spreads harmful rhetoric, in which case I’m very much against it) or people who take part in one; I respect the people for whom it works.

I understand that there are many reasons one might be drawn to a particular religion. I also appreciate that, for many, religion provides a great moral guidepost. It’s possible my own morality was partially derived from the religion in my upbringing (though I attribute it to my parents, family, and community). I even admit that the current pope seems like a pretty relaxed and open-minded guy (finally!). I’m thrilled that many religious sects are becoming more accepting of all walks of life, all religious affiliations, and all identities, sexual and otherwise. In my opinion, the ones that don’t are doing a disservice to religion in general. But that’s neither here nor there. I don’t want to delve any more into religion as a concept. I’m not here to talk about its presence, or the lack thereof, in my life.

I’m simply here to convey that I’m not being disrespectful or facetious when I tell someone who is going through a hard time that they’re “in my prayers.” I don’t think my non-believing (or not-sure-about-believing) should affect the weight of my words; to me, religious is not synonymous with goodness. A good person is a good person and their good intentions should be taken at face value. This is why I take no offense to someone who relays these words to me, either.

So please, if I tell you that I’m thinking of and praying for you, know that I am neither pushing religion down your throat nor belittling your belief system; I’m just thinking of you deeply.

I may not be sending my prayers to any specific or commonly accepted deity, but I do believe in the gods of healing, kindness, grace, and mercy. It is to those whom I am sending my thoughts. To you, I send compassion. I hope you are able to find solace in my words and in knowing that you are not alone in your despair.

To anyone experiencing some kind of tragedy as you are reading this, know that I see you, I feel you, and I recognize your pain. My sincerest thoughts and prayers are with you.

A Reminder That Some Tragedies Are Avoidable

Though not my original intent, I feel it would be irresponsible of me to end today’s post without acknowledging the fact that many of the tragedies we see today are within our means to avoid. For instance–a big instance–the implementation of simple, common-sense laws may actually help decrease the frequency of gun violence. It’s after such violence that the phrase “thoughts and prayers” is truly insufficient, so much so that the words themselves have become trite when spoken by a politician who has the real power to effect change and instead offers insincere regards.

Americans are 25 times more likely to be murdered with a gun than people in other developed countries. Twenty. five. Our gun-obsessed culture combined with the oversize presence of gun lobby money flooding our political system has created a real problem with real consequences. We, as Americans, laud our country as the land of greatness and opportunity, a real powerhouse on the global stage. Yet we do not even come close to comparing to the rest of the world in terms of gun safety. Instead, we rank among the top in terms of gun violence. With such a strong-arm reliance on guns in our twisted-priority culture, are we really the land of the free? I’d argue that until we can send our kids to school without the fear that they won’t return, the answer is no.

While many of you, my dear readers, are of like mind and have no need for the reminder, I do think it prudent to add that this is not about taking away guns. Instead, it’s about making it really hard to acquire them and about keeping them out of the hands of people with a history of violence or who are unfit to handle them safely or responsibly. At the end of the day, a gun is a weapon designed to kill. We mustn’t forget that.

Readers, it’s already way past “too late.” As a result, people are dying–our kids are dying–because of our inability to do our jobs, as adults, to protect them. Don’t let those people die for nothing, readers. Take action now. You better believe that when it’s in my power to offer more than “thoughts and prayers,” I do.

[Featured image source]

02.22.18

by babybrownbear

Motherhood Is

Artwork credit: “Mother’s Day” by Chihiro Iwasaki, 1972

Motherhood is indefinable.
It is faceless;
It is pervasive.
It is both all-encompassing and understated.

It’s an umbrella.
It shields;
It protects.
It is both forgotten and celebrated.

Motherhood demands industry and ingenuity.
It is tireless;
It is thankless.
It is productive.

It’s a verb.
It is active;
It is passive.
It is.

To mother is to become an unyielding force with the power to move heaven and earth.
It is to part ways with your past, to lose a piece of yourself to the future.

To mother is to crack open your heart, exposing it raw to vulnerability, to depth, to love, to hope.

To become a mother is to see the dawn of a new day for both yourself and another.
It is to know someone instantly and intimately without even knowing their name;
To give someone life, someone who changes your very purpose.

To mother is to be woven into a story outside of yourself, an ancient history bound together by hundreds of thousands of years of sisterhood.

Motherhood is sisterhood.
It is community.
It is strength.

To mother is to err, rage, wilt, grow;
To question, doubt, and evolve.
It is to worry and weigh;
It is to change and be changed.

To mother is to mentor, curate, guide, heal;
To listen, defend, teach, and learn.
It is to hold;
It is to comfort and be comforted.

It is to apologize and to give thanks.

Motherhood is trying.
Motherhood is jubilant.
It exposes us to the far reaches of the human experience.

To mother is to feel so deeply, to love so fiercely, that you welcome an unknown future with open arms, because in that future, with all of your tomorrows, lies your whole heart.

01.16.18

by babybrownbear

New Year, Same Me: Resolutions & Other Nonsensical Goals

Cheers and welcome to 2018!

Not that long ago, we expected that by 2018, we’d have flying cars, highly integrated AI robots, and intergalactic travel. While we’re not all the way there (a shame, because flying cars would be the bomb and soon enough we’ll really need a new home planet), we do live in a time with toilet stools, smart speakers, and too many memes to know where to begin. Lucky us?

I am grateful for GIF technology. [Source]

Strangely enough, we also live in a time where teenagers challenge each other to eat laundry detergent, millions of people receive a “my bad” text after practically crapping their pants, and our megalomaniac president’s diplomatic skills apparently start and end with the term “shithole/shithouse countries.” At least women are finally paid the same as men, right? Damnit.

All that said, there is a lot of good in the world, too. For example, it brings me great joy that we are increasingly confronting the uncomfortable truths about our society, like our collective tolerance for sexual harassment, assault, and inequality. (The Women’s March is this weekend, folks!)

Lest I get too carried away, I’d like to quickly shift gears to the main, and completely inconsequential, point of today’s post: new year’s resolutions.

According to John, resolutions are “the exact middle ground between lying to yourself and lying to other people.” Sounds about right. [Source]

We are officially 16 days into the new year, which means 99% of people have already ditched their half-hearted resolution efforts. Here’s a little-known fact: you can’t fail your resolutions by mid-January if you don’t even set them until mid-January. All your other favorite bloggers (she says humbly) may have long since shared their objectives for 2018, but here at Baby Brown Bear, I’m just getting started.

My Goals for the Year

Let me preface this by saying that I don’t normally do new year’s resolutions. In fact, I’ve been known to roll my eyes at the idea of a “new year, new me.” Why wait until January to make changes when you can start working towards self-improvement any day of the year? Truthfully, I think waiting until January often adds unnecessary pressure and ends up heightening the bar for disappointment if those goals aren’t met. No one needs that.

Me listening to other people talk about their resolutions. [Source]

Only once in my 30 years have I actually set a new year’s resolution. A few years ago, a friend and I decided we would run at least one race every month. Surprisingly, we did it. Had we not joked about and done it together, there’s no way I would have even considered creating such a challenge. I guess accountability matters.

This year, however, I’m getting behind the idea, partially because I’m in a new decade and partially because I already had goals I wanted to achieve and figured I might as well start now in the blank slate of January. It’s for the sake of accountability that I’m drawing a line in the sand and sharing these goals with you.

1. I will learn how to solve a Rubik’s Cube

There’s really no rhyme or reason for this one other than that I think it would be a fun challenge. As far as I know, there’s a simple algorithm to solving the puzzle. Perhaps I’m being extremely naive and will end up throwing it across the room in tears. Only time will tell.

Status: Still need to purchase a Rubik’s Cube. I’ve gotten far with this one.

More likely what my patience will allow. [Source]

2. I will finally see a movie by myself

There are two important things to know about me that until this year have been mutually exclusive: 1. I am an extremely social person whose existence requires human interaction to survive; and 2. I love going to the movies. It is because of the former that I have not done the latter alone. That will change this year! It only took 25 years for me to go to a restaurant alone, so it seems almost fitting that five years later is when I’ll finally check off this bucket list item. (Side note: my bucket list is actually more exciting than this would suggest.)

Status: Just need to find a babysitter. Oscar noms, I’m coming for ya.

That popcorn will never have tasted so good. (I love future perfect tense.) [Source]

3. I will connect my phone to the Bluetooth in my car

I’m not technologically illiterate, but I am an all-star procrastinator. That’s why I’ve had my car for five months and have yet to connect my phone to its Bluetooth speaker.

Me with Bluetooth technology. [Source]

Instead of shouting into the phone on my lap, I’ll finally sound like a real, responsible adult who knows how to read a car manual. Woohoo!

Status: Next time I’m in my car, I swear.

At least my current setup is better than this. [Source]

4. I will commit to writing at least two blog posts a month

At one point, I was averaging a post a week. While that requires more time than I’m willing to spend right now, I do think it’s realistic to publish at least two a month. To help accomplish this, I recently acquired a 2018 planner I’ll use to sketch out a rough content calendar. If there’s anything in particular you want to hear from me, go ahead and let me know. Otherwise, I’m excited to finally have a place to organize my thoughts and plan ahead.

Status: Already started (because, yes, this totally counts).

Get enough coffee in me and this could be a reality! [Source]

5. I will start writing a book

This is, as you can tell, a much loftier goal, but it’s here nonetheless. I’ve wanted to start writing more seriously for a long time. The problem is my inspiration; I have several ideas swirling around in my head, but none that have seriously compelled me to put pen to paper. Even though this hasn’t necessarily changed, I decided that I just need to start somewhere. No, I may not end up writing the next great American novel (there’s that humility again), and whatever I do write might amount to nothing, but I’m excited and scared and nervous to try, and that seems to be what resolutions are all about.

Status: New scratch notebooks and pens purchased. Will need a babysitter to go anywhere with this one, too.

Note: I am neither a hipster nor Tom Hanks, and will therefore not be using a typewriter. Cute GIF though, right? [Source]

Let’s Do This

I figured a healthy mix of achievable and intimidating is a good place to start for my first real list of new year’s resolutions. At least now, I intend to check in on these goals throughout the year. I may even periodically post about my journey (fully recognizing that you don’t care about the Bluetooth thing).

Readers, please join me on this path to self-discovery and, well, basic adulthood. While we’re at it, what are your 2018 goals?

Titus may not be the best role model, but he is A role model. [Source]

[Featured image source]

12.06.17

by babybrownbear

On Turning 30

It’s my birthday tomorrow!

Oscar is my spirit animal. [Source]

My thirtieth birthday.

Hah hah heh hoo h-what?? [Source]

I’ll freely admit that I’ve always been the type to enjoy my birthdays. As my parents were quick to remind me recently, I used to celebrate the entire week, sometimes the entire month. Therefore it has come as quite a surprise that under the expected level of excitement (which, I will also admit, has waned with each passing year), there’s a creeping sense of dread this time around. Okay, “dread” may be a bit hyperbolic, but it’s apprehension at the very least. I don’t feel anywhere near 30; it completely snuck up on me.

As these feelings have deepened over the last few months, I’ve been extraordinarily contemplative. At first, the idea of this “birthday anxiety,” for lack of a better term, seemed absurd enough that I dismissed it outright. But here I am, hours away from the big day and the trepidation has only increased.

Rationally, I know it’s just another year. Despite the seemingly advancing pace of my life, I also know that each year feels faster because its relative length is shorter as I add more years to my life. (This article sheds more light on the psychology of time.) Surely part of my melancholy can be attributed to how damn fast everything is going by these days. As a human being, especially in the age of constant activity, it’s hard to remember to stop and enjoy every moment. Life does pass quickly. And though I don’t think of it this way often, its rapid pace can serve as a reminder that each year brings you closer to the grave. Part of me wonders if my discomfort with this milestone is because of this, but if I’m being honest with myself, I know there’s more to it.

Unlike the past few birthdays, 30 feels different. Thirty is fully within adulthood. I feel comfortable calling myself a woman now instead of a kid or a girl. In fact, I hate when I’m referred to in those ways. I’m not a spring chicken anymore, able to excuse reckless behavior, mistakes, or just plain idiocy on being young, naive, and carefree. The truth is that I’m no longer any of those things.

I often still feel 22, but, let me tell you, paying a recent visit to my college campus with the two kids in tow was the quickest way I could have imagined to confirm that I do not, in fact, have much in common with 22-year-olds. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t grieve my college years. I genuinely miss that freedom, lack of real-life responsibility, to-die-for metabolism, and youthful appearance. I look back very fondly at that time, which, as a friend recently told me, must mean that I did it right. Part of my birthday reflection has made me realize that, especially in a society that unabashedly–and foolishly–values youth as much as it does, it’s hard not to feel, at least a little bit, like you’re growing more irrelevant and less attractive just by doing what nature intends you to do.

Then that college nostalgia subsides and I look in the mirror to see the creases forming around my eyes, mouth, and forehead that betray my extra years. The extra years of living a full life. I am more experienced now, in ways that I couldn’t have anticipated just eight years ago.

At 30, my modicum of hard-earned wisdom is starting to earn respect from society, albeit a fickle one that has, ironically, simultaneously started to devalue my appearance. No longer am I treated like a clueless child. If I am, I no longer tolerate it. Each year brings a new level of confidence in myself, in my voice, and in my ability to speak my mind. Run-of-the-mill highs and lows aside, I feel confident, proud, and accepting of who I am. Happily, this includes a newfound respect for my brain, my heart, and my body (human bodies are amazing things and I’m determined to be more reverent of mine). I may not be perfect, but I love who I am. And, at 30, I’m finally ready to move on from people who don’t, without looking back. My energy is for positive influences only, please and thank you.

On the flip side, I recognize that I’m not old yet either. Thirty is a nice little sweet spot of vivaciousness where I have the energy and wherewithal to live life fully but not stupidly. It’s sweet, that is, until I’m around a teenager who looks at me like I’m the Cryptkeeper.

Incidentally, this is also how I felt as I walked around campus. When did college kids start looking like middle schoolers? [Source]

As refreshing as it is to finally feel so comfortable in my own skin, turning 30 has made me realize there’s a strange dichotomy to growing older. On the one hand, you know yourself on a deeper level. On the other, you realize you don’t know a single damn thing about anything.

Like most kids, I guess I expected I’d have a lot more figured out by 30. While I take comfort in the fact that I don’t think anyone ever has anything all figured out (if nothing else, my 29 years have taught me this much), I think it’s natural to feel a little uneasy when you realize life doesn’t exactly come with a road map.

The trajectory of my life is something I wouldn’t change for the entire world. Here I am, about to turn 30, with my health, two incredible kids, a phenomenally supportive husband, an adorable–if occasionally irritating–dog, two sets of devoted parents, two loving grandparents, and a whole host of family and friends who would drop everything for me. I’ve had great work experience, even if I’m temporarily pausing from it, I’ve traveled across the world, I’ve gone on crazy adventures, and I’ve generally lived with no regrets. Needless to say, I recognize that I’m fortunate, privileged, and I have a whole hell of a lot for which to be grateful.

I’m lucky, that is for sure.

In the last few months, though, I’ve been thinking hard about the expectations I had for my life when I was still a fresh-faced adult. I never would have thought I’d marry young or have two kids by 30. Yet here I am, married for seven years with a baby on my hip and a toddler scream-singing “Let It Go” in the next room. And I’m loving it. I’m not even sure what exactly I thought life would be, but I look back at that kid and just think of how endless my opportunities were. I could have studied and become anything I wanted. I could have lived anywhere, done anything, been whomever I wanted. My future was largely a blank slate. There’s something to be said for being 18 with the world at your fingertips. You may be a bit wet behind the ears, but you still have so much ahead of you.

It was while reflecting on this limitless potential that I finally figured out that part of my uneasiness with turning 30 was realizing that I’m now officially old enough that some doors are just plain closed. To a certain extent, the course of my life has now been solidly established. It’s a strange thing to explore, because I love the way life has turned out so far. But there’s still a small part of me that wonders, “What if?” What if I hadn’t met my husband in college? What if I had lived abroad post-graduation? What if I had chosen a different career? What if I were still working?

I’m inspired by people who make huge life changes later in life (like, later in life; I know 30 is not that), because I still wonder what I want to be when I grow up. Add to that uncertainty the whole back and forth between expectation and reality, what I thought I’d have accomplished by now versus what I actually have, and it’s no wonder that I think often about my life’s purpose and future legacy.

In having this constant inner dialogue in the back of my mind, I’ve come to realize that some of this dilemma is simply related to being in the trenches of early parenthood. When you’re taking care of another person’s every need, it’s easy to feel like you are a little lost. Even more complicated is mixing in the realization that, though you devote your entire life to your children, they are young enough that they wouldn’t even remember you if you were to die. It’s morbid, but it’s true. These thoughts are so heavy, it’s easy to sometimes feel like I’m drowning in an existential crisis, trying to complete a puzzle that is inherently incompletable and ever-changing.

The more I think about it, however, the more I realize that I’d probably be asking myself the same questions regardless of my life path. I’d still be wondering what would have been, it’s just that the content would be different. Talking to friends who are experiencing these same feelings, despite living completely different lives, has validated to me that this is normal. I guess by 30, you’re smart enough to perform some regular self-evaluation and introspection. You’re also smart enough to release a sigh of relief with the decisions you’ve made.

While I’m not sure what the future holds, one thing is for sure. It’s pretty awesome to be satisfied with the person you’ve become and the life you’ve built so far. If I had to choose to do it all over again, I probably wouldn’t change a thing (well, maybe fewer tequila shots and cookie binges). I may not be curing cancer or winning the Pulitzer (yet!), but I am proud of my sphere of influence as it stands. I like to think I make a small difference in the lives of those around me, and if that ultimately becomes my legacy, then I’ll be proud of it.

Unless I somehow get to travel across the multi-verse, I’ll never find out where life could have taken me. But I’m realizing now that turning 30 is not only about trusting your body, your heart, and your mind, but learning to trust that you are where you are meant to be as well.

10.01.17

by babybrownbear

2 Years & 20 Days: Welcome to the Circus

Earlier this week, I walked into my apartment and thought I had been robbed. The furniture was askew, the chairs were flipped over, shredded garbage peppered the floor, and I couldn’t help but notice a particularly ripe smell. I quickly threw the (sleepy, cranky) toddler into the crib and set the car seat-bound baby on the floor before rushing to investigate further. “Jesus, someone broke into our apartment and stole our dog,” I thought to myself. I couldn’t find him anywhere–and in a small apartment, he’s not exactly a needle in a haystack. My heartbeat pulsed rapidly as I searched. Finally, I heard a muted, high-pitched whine. I opened the bathroom door and whoosh went the dog, running frantically with newfound freedom. His head was completely encased in an empty oats container, partially gnawed through so he could breathe. The container took away his peripheral vision, meaning he clumsily ran around our apartment while I continued to take in my doomsday-like surroundings. The best surprise of all was the smattering of dog poop scattered around the (small, totally easy-to-avoid) rug. What a delightful surprise.

Me, coming home today.

[Source]

Based on the evidence, I suspect the dog rifled through the recycling, stuck his head way too far down the oatmeal tube, and got stuck. Then he proceeded to freak the F out, running around the apartment, anxiously pooping on the carpet, fleeing to the bathroom, and accidentally closing the door on himself.

Because pic or it didn’t happen.

This story is relevant because it’s pretty reflective of the overall chaos that is now my life. Many people have asked what it’s like to transition to two kids (who are two years and 20 days apart), so let me lay it out.

Welcome to the Circus…

…where bodily fluids know no bounds

If this were me, the whole shirt would be soaked. [Source]

In the last eight hours alone, I’ve been on the receiving end of a trifecta of bodily fluids, none of which were mine. (The unexpected bonus of being peed, pooped, and thrown up on is that you can feel very justified in leaving the dishes for your husband to wash.)

This damp menagerie, combined with the copious amounts of sweat I shed due to postpartum hormones and a practically built-on human furnace, means this mom is now often mistaken for a swamp monster.

What a typical Millennial to include a selfie. [Source]

…where “germy” has taken on a whole new meaning

On a related, but worth-mentioning-on-its-own, note is the amount of germs that have taken this household hostage (despite constant efforts to sanitize). In case you’ve never been around a two-year-old, I’m going to let you in on a little secret: kids are gross.

Life to a toddler is a germy treasure hunt. The most-touched button in a museum exhibit? Leave it to a toddler to decide that’s the perfect time to suck his fingers. Find a cigarette butt on the ground? Better not turn around or it’s going in the kid’s mouth. Walked through urine puddles in the subway on the way home? Perfect time to treat the bottom of his shoe like an ice cream cone! To a toddler, learning he can use his diaper’s contents like finger paint is like winning the lottery. (Luckily, this last one has yet to happen to us. Sorry, Julie.)

“If it exists, I licks.” [Source]

Toddlers have ownership rights to this sweet spot of revulsion where the disgusting things they think to put in their mouths are almost on pace with the disgusting things they expel. Snot is such an everyday sight anymore, I don’t even notice it. In a toddler’s mind, leaving any of the body’s many orifices unexplored is a missed opportunity. To their credit, their two-year-old fingers are the perfect size for their nostrils.

The new Baby Bear had a cold when she was just two weeks old thanks to her big brother deciding to use her hand as a tissue. (The next day, he sneezed into my mouth. My MOUTH.) Sure it sucked to have a congested newborn, but I figured at this rate, she’ll be a beast by the time she goes to kindergarten.

A mother can only hope her child will be this kick-ass. [Source]

Being a mom to a toddler is like exposure therapy for germaphobes. You can use all the vinegar water and soap you want to try to keep things clean, but you can’t avoid a toddler’s grubby hands forever. I try to take comfort in the germs; with each cold comes a more formidable immune system for the entire family.

…where I learn as I go

I like to think of myself as a fairly laid-back person, at least as evidenced by my laissez-faire approach to germs. If there’s anything I’ve learned so far, it’s that kids are constantly changing and that parents adapt quickly as a result. No one knows what they’re doing, not really. Therefore there’s no sense in worrying too much about every little thing; it’s much less stressful to just figure it out as you go.

This second time around is no different. Yes, certain things were harder at first, like simultaneously carrying a sleeping toddler and a car seat up the stairs to the apartment. But with each passing day, my confidence grows. That, or I fail, have no choice but to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation, and learn for the next time.

“How are you going to do [insert activity here] with a newborn and a toddler?” [Source]

…where my days are measured by coffee, wine, and diapers

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Honestly one of my favorite things about going to bed at night is knowing coffee awaits me in the morning.

As much as I like to think I’m still “cool,” having two kids has finally forced to acknowledge that my version of “cool” has drastically changed over the last few years. Gone are the days where I’d be able to attend a play’s opening night at the drop of a hat or direct friends to the best bachelorette hot spot. I’m aware that clubs still exist, but I’d be hard pressed to tell you the last time I entered one. That said, knowing the most entertaining playgrounds or the best kid-friendly breweries is valuable, too, and in those terms, I’ve got you covered. (Did I mention how stereotypically important booze is to me as a mom of young kids?)

Me, talking to early 20-somethings. [Source]

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m extremely grateful for the ways staying at home has changed my priorities and given me more room to live now that I’m not tied to a desk. (But I’ll be the first to admit there are many days where a desk, some deadlines, and, hell, even meetings sound more appealing than having a toddler weasel his way into my personal space all day.)

However, while I’ve been a mom for two years now, I’m still occasionally hit with the peculiar realization that my daily life is now marked by the number of times I’ve changed a diaper, my ability to find that one car my two-year-old suddenly cannot live without, or the constant question of how many cups of coffee a day are still within reason. When asked what’s new in my life, I immediately, without thought, respond with what’s new with my family. My sense of self is harder to pin down now that my entire life is devoted to being responsible for two other, mostly helpless, lives. Self-care and alone time are still very important to me, and I have a lot of support to allow for them, but my self feels less pronounced right now. Grappling with who I am and the uncertainty of who I will be when the kids are grown is difficult.

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As uncomfortable as it is to sit with that uncertainty, I am slowly learning to embrace it. If the blurry pace of the last two years is any indication, it’ll all be over before I know it and I’ll look back longingly on these harried days. My accomplishments may be of the playdate-related variety right now, but, dammit, they’re still mine.

…where my brain has turned to mush

Another reason my sense of self has faded is simply because I regularly feel like I’m losing my mind. It may not seem hard, but staying at home with a toddler is extremely mentally, physically, and emotionally taxing (hence the aforementioned wine and coffee). Chasing after a human being who repeatedly ignores me, throws himself down on questionable surfaces (read: parking lots, sidewalks, mud), and thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to sit in his own excrement is nothing short of exhausting. That’s not even taking into account the newborn who literally feeds off me for hours on end. Plus, kids are inadvertently skilled at the fine art of gaslighting.

Me, after being forced to listen to “Let’s Go Fly a Kite” for 62 minutes straight. (This is not an exaggeration.) [Source]

I like to think it’s the lack of sleep and influx of hormones, but nowadays I’m lucky if I can properly string together enough words to form a decent sentence. In the grocery store yesterday, I found myself garbling verb conjugations to the point where I sounded more like English was my fourth language than my first. I used to fancy myself a valuable trivia partner, but lately I have a hard enough time remembering simple, everyday nouns, like “goggles,” much less when they were first used in the Olympics (answer: 1976). Try as I may to keep up with current events, pop culture, and literature, you’re not going to get much out of me lately unless you’re asking about the verses of “Wheels on the Bus.”

To make matters worse, I’ve taken these diminished language and general knowledge skills to the streets and have become accustomed to narrating my thoughts and actions throughout the day. This is perfectly benign when my toddler is in tow, but it becomes markedly more disturbing when I’m alone and using a sing-song voice to tell no one in particular that I have to go to the bathroom.

It’s hard to feel like you can add much value to a conversation when you’re constantly preoccupied with someone else’s well-being. Luckily I still do a few things that help keep me sharp, like reading and playing board games. Can I tell you about the author’s use of symbolism or the best strategies to win? No, but ask me to tell you the color of the book’s cover or if the board game box had letters on it? Now, that I know.

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…where sleep is the world’s most precious commodity

You think you’ll never forget how sleep-deprived you were when your first child was born. Much like the intensity of childbirth, you can hazily recall that it was hard to get through, but you really don’t remember the details. It must be the body’s way of helping us decide to continue populating the earth. Then your second comes and pushes that sleep deprivation right back down your throat. Except this time, you’ll wonder why the hell you ever thought your newborn was hard.

Yeah, newborns wake up at night, but you know the hard part about two? You don’t get to “sleep when the baby is sleeping.” Instead, you are forced to get your weary ass out of bed at the crack of dawn (otherwise known as a toddler’s favorite time to warm up his vocal chords with a most spirited rendition of “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”).

“Is he…is he SINGING at 6:00 A.M.?!?!” [Source]

Then you must entertain said toddler as they Tasmanian Devil their way through the day.

Oh look, someone took a video of my toddler in the park! [Source]

I recently Googled “sleep deprivation Geneva Convention” to confirm that it is indeed recognized by the UN as a form of torture. It is often said that children are little sociopaths, and now I have proof.

My response when people ask how I look “refreshed”?

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…where nap time is not to be taken for granted

I never realized how vital to my very existence nap time had become until it slowly started to fade away. My toddler has gone about 50% of the last three weeks without a nap at all. Before that, he reliably slept for three hours each day. (Yes, I was spoiled.) Now, every day is a crap-shoot as to whether or not he’ll go down easily, have a theatrical conversation with himself, scream at the top of his lungs, cry his eyes out, or some strange combination of the bunch. No matter how hard I try to follow our same old routine, this enigmatic dance often results in me quite literally ripping out my hair (figuratively were it not for my trichotillomania, but that’s for another day).

To give you a clue how it normally goes down, here’s footage of our typical nap time conversation.

Me:

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My toddler:

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Me:

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Sometimes, if I’m very, very lucky, I can channel my inner wizard to get both kids to nap at the same time. Those moments?

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…where I find my zen by whatever means necessary

Other times, the magical nap moments don’t happen and I’m left with the ongoing urge to scream and/or cry.

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As is quickly becoming the theme of the post, toddlers are hard. They know how to push your buttons; it’s what they do. As such, it’s only natural that you occasionally feel rage. Sometimes it results in yelling. Other times, it results in the desire to shake them so they just. stop. whining. (It’s not talked about much, but everyone I know how has experienced this feeling before. It is normal and doesn’t make you a bad mom so long as you don’t act on it.)

“STOP THROWING YOUR FOOD ON THE FLOOR!!” [Source]

Any time I feel this ragey Mom Hulk come out, I immediately feel a guilty pit form in my stomach. Over time, I’ve learned the best thing to do when I feel it coming on is to make sure everyone’s safe before walking away for a minute. Honestly, we both benefit from the space.

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Though I’m not really one for meditation, becoming a mother of two has greatly increased my appreciation for silence. You know you’re in a silence deficit when you drive by a cemetery and think, “Wow, I bet it’d be so peaceful to sit in there by myself.” Lately, the most alone time I get is in the bathroom. I have therefore started to sneak away when Papa Bear gets home just to go sit on the toilet by myself with no one touching or talking to me. Soon maybe I’ll figure out how to bring in a cocktail without raising suspicion.

Until recently, I never thought a bathroom could feel like this:

*Cheerfully* “All by myseelf…” [Source]

…where TV is the greatest invention known to mankind

I’m the first to admit that we probably watch an unhealthy amount of TV in our house. Before kids, I thought we’d be the type of parents to limit TV to only a few 30-minute shows a week, if at all. Now, I’m pleased if we only watch a few 30-minute shows a day. If you stay home and still don’t watch any TV, then major props to you. I’m not sure how you do it.

At least for me, with a newborn who wakes up all night and a toddler who starts each day at 6:30, I’m just doing what I have to do to survive. Sometimes I muster the energy to read, play with toys, or get a jump-start on breakfast. Other times I turn on the boob tube, sit on the couch, and let my coffee do its magic.

I only casually watch the shows I play for him (typically in desperation to see how much time is left), but I’ve seen enough to become highly critical of some of today’s children’s programming. For instance, why does Daniel Tiger’s mom wear pants when Daniel and his dad don’t? Does Mickey’s Toodles have all that random crap because he’s a closet hoarder? And don’t even get me started on what an asshole Thomas’s friend James is. Luckily for me, my toddler’s attention span is finally long enough to sit and watch an entire feature-length film. Unluckily for me, he wants to watch the same ones repeatedly.

If I have to watch Cars 2 one more time, I’m gonna be ka-chout of my mind. [Source]

…where the car can become a torture chamber

It’s hard to explain, but if you’re a mom you’ll know what I mean when I say a kid’s cries go straight to his mom’s heart. Kids’ screams send some kind of biological signal that makes a mom’s stress level rise and stomach turn. It’s hard enough with one, but now that I have two children who occasionally sync their wails while I’m driving? Well, let’s just say this is me when we finally get to where we’re going.

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…where small accomplishments count

Take a shower? Wash a dish? Work out? Keep your kids alive all day? Get out of the house? Or, *gasp* put on real pants? I’m not gonna lie; if I do any of these on a given day, I try to allow myself to feel like the badass I am.

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…where I sometimes just have to accept pandemonium

Patting myself on the back for the little successes is helpful to some degree, but sometimes there’s just so much chaos that there’s no choice but to give in to it. I often think, “This is my life now.” So my toddler watched five hours of TV and ate ketchup and cantaloupe for lunch. So I’m covered in vomit and my kid is drinking water out of the dog bowl. Who cares? It’s times like these where I try to acknowledge that I’m doing the best I can, that we usually have better days, and that there’s nothing more to do than laugh at the outrageousness of the moment. Honestly, these times usually make for the best stories anyway (see oatmeal story above).

“Do I care if that gets marked on with pen?” is a question I ask myself more than I’d like to admit. The answer has increasingly been “no.” [Source]

…where my family and friends mean the world to me

I would be an absolute basket case, or arguably more of one than I am now, were it not for my friends and family. We’ve had such an outpouring of support in these last few months and I couldn’t be more grateful. To everyone who has reached out, helped us, or shown us love, thank you.

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…where the sweet moments make it all worthwhile

The literal blood, sweat, and tears are hard. The increased mom guilt is harder. The sleepless nights, aches and pains, roaring hormonal shifts, occasional questioning of my sanity–all of it is nothing compared to those moments that make my heart melt. There is nothing quite like seeing Big Brother Bear cuddle up next to his baby sister, turn to me, and say, “Mommy, Baby Sister is so cute!” Better still is hearing, “I love you, Mommy.” It’s moments like these that erase all of the crazy ones.

My toddler may be a little nutcase at times, but he is genuinely invested in his sister’s well-being; he loves to rock her, give her kisses, hold her, and tell me when she’s crying. Lately, he’s big on giving everyone hugs and kisses. He is generally laid-back and listens well relative to many toddlers. He’s such a sweet, empathetic, adventurous, carefree, and funny kid, and I feel humbled to know that I’ve at least partly helped shape who he is. Sure, my patience may be tested on a regular basis, but knowing that it’s to help him learn and grow and blossom is more rewarding than anything I’ve ever experienced before. If I can replicate this to even a small degree with my daughter, I will have hit the jackpot.

Having the two of them has taught me that I’m happy to be a means to an end if it means the end is as wonderful as it’s been along the way.

Me, when I realize I must not be doing so poorly (and I’ve had coffee). [Source]

It might be Crazy Town, but at least I’m the mayor.

In many ways, I still feel like I’m 20 years old. Therefore the realization that I am two months shy of 30 with two children often hits me like a ton of bricks. Then I take a look around at our beautifully chaotic existence and realize it’s just the beginning of the rest of our lives. And so far it’s shaping up to be amazing.

We’re doing it! [Source]

[Featured image source]

09.01.17

by babybrownbear

Pardon the Interruption

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Why hello there! This will be a very short post, but in an effort to dust off the ol’ keyboard after months of silence, I wanted to announce my return to blogging.

A lot has been happening in the Bear/Wear household. We went on a trip to the Netherlands (blog forthcoming, I hope), traveled around the States a bit, celebrated Baby Bear’s second birthday (I can’t believe it either), and have generally been busier than ever. Oh, and the other small update I’d be remiss to forget: Baby Bear got a big promotion.

There’s a new Bear in town.

That’s right, Baby Bear’s official new title is Big Brother Bear. We welcomed our darling daughter in late July, and are finally settling in to our new “normal.”

Ideas for the blog have been swirling around my head for months, but until now I seriously lacked the energy to do anything about it. God willing, I hope to get back into the swing of things with several new posts in the coming weeks.

Some things you have to look forward to? Why you should visit the Netherlands during tulip season, what it’s like to be pregnant with a toddler, book recommendations from Big Brother Bear and me, an honest look at the transition to two, a whole bunch of board games for you to try, my birth stories, TV you should be watching, some new Chicago highlights, and much more.

In the meantime, I’m looking for ideas on how to shorten Big Brother Bear. BB Bear? No, too similar to Baby Bear. Bro Bear? Nah, sounds like a fratty deodorant. Biggy Bear? It kind of reminds me of a D-list rapper, but I’m totally down with this one. I welcome your suggestions, too.

I’m back at it, y’all, and I couldn’t be happier. I’ve missed you!

Until soon,

Mama Bear 2.0

[Featured image source]

04.26.17

by babybrownbear

7 Easy Ways to Help Save Our Planet

Happy Earth Week!* Let’s all take a second to reflect on and give thanks to this wondrous planet we call home.

This picture was taken along the Village Walking Trail at Kapalua on Maui in November 2016. The trail you see here was the cart path along the old Village Golf Course, closed in 2007. When they built the new course, they decided to let nature reclaim this one, meaning that the vegetation you see here, already so full, lush, and overall jungly, was actually a fairway not that long ago. If you have the chance, I’d highly recommend stopping by; there are many different levels of difficulty available. The one we did was equally hilly and rewarding. Side note: read The World Without Us.

As I age and continue to read the horrifying stats about the shape of the planet, I find myself becoming increasingly concerned with my personal carbon footprint. Consequently, I’ve taken great strides to become a more conscious citizen of Earth in the last few years. I have also come to feel strongly that this needs to be a regular topic of conversation between friends and neighbors; sharing, educating, and spreading knowledge of how we can better care for our planet is the only way we will continue to make permanent positive changes.

Now, I recognize that this level of focus on the Earth’s health and well-being comes with a certain level of privilege. When you’re worried about meeting basic human needs, stopping to read a recycling label is certainly not going to be a priority. But for many of us, immediate personal convenience often trumps potential long-term ecological impact. Helping to save the Earth doesn’t necessarily mean you have to plant trees or contact your local legislator (although those things are important too!). Sometimes it’s rather simple. I’d encourage you to think really hard about the little things you do every day that may have bigger implications than you realize.

Don’t be like Titus.

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While I’m no behavior change psychologist, I’ve personally been most successful in making permanent changes when I start small. My goal in sharing the below list is that you may find something new to incorporate into your routine. Remember, every baby step you take is still a step forward.

*This isn’t really a thing, but since I dropped the ball by not getting this out on Sunday, I hereby proclaim the week following Earth Day to be Earth Week! Even better, let’s just go ahead and treat every week like Earth Week.

7 Simple, Eco-Friendly House Rules

1. Get yourself a reusable water bottle.

For real, this is 2017. There is no reason why you should still be using plastic water bottles. For one, they are expensive. Happily, in many cases, reducing your carbon footprint also means reducing your cash outflow. Secondly, multiple studies have proven that there is no real difference in quality between tap water and bottled water (most Americans have access to clean drinking water). In many cases, bottled water is actually just purified tap water. If you’re afraid to use the tap, just get a water filter for your fridge. Lastly, and very importantly, bottled water bottles produce a helluva lot of waste. According to Ban the Bottle, Americans recycle only 23% of plastic water bottles used, meaning 38.5 billion bottles flood our dumps each year.

I really like my Klean Kanteen because it’s a good product and because of the company’s mission to help people kick single-use habits.

2. Turn off your lights when they’re not in use.

This isn’t just a cool little Mormon trick!

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Just like the tip above, this one is not only good for the environment, but it saves money, too. My grandfather used to admonish me when I’d leave a trail of lights behind me, “Are you the one paying the electricity bill?” Now that I am, it sure feels good to keep the bill as low as possible. Especially since doing so means I’m helping to reduce wasted energy as well. While the amount of energy saved really depends on the type of bulb in question, suffice it to say it’s best practice to turn off any light that’s not needed.

That said, consider getting rid of your incandescent bulbs altogether. Of the energy they use, 90% is given off as heat and only 10% produces light. That is pretty horrible in terms of energy waste and it can also result in potential fire hazards, especially if the lights are left on for prolonged periods. You’re better off with compact fluorescent bulbs which, while more expensive upfront, will last longer, more efficiently consume energy, and save you more money in the long run. Learn more here or here.

3. Similarly, turn off and unplug appliances and electronics.

Simply put, if you’re not actively using an appliance, you don’t need to have it turned on (obviously the refrigerator and freezer are different). Mom, Dad, this is when I tell you again that Nestle does not need to watch TV while you’re gone. She just doesn’t.

giphy

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Also important to note, however, is that many appliances consume energy even when they are not turned on. While this “standby power” is sometimes helpful because it allows certain appliances to show a clock display, use a timer, etc., in many cases it’s wasted energy, consumed for no other reason than because that appliance is plugged in. According to the Three Actions Project and Energy Star, “the average household spends $100 per year to power devices while they are off (or in standby mode). On a national basis, standby power accounts for […] more than $10 billion in annual energy costs.”

There are a couple of easy ways to improve this. One, try to only plug in certain, more single-use items when you actually use them, like your toaster, coffee maker, phone or toothbrush charger. Two, group some appliances together with a power strip so they can all be unplugged at once, like your TV, cable box, and game console. Realistically you don’t need these things plugged in for more than a few hours at a time, and that way you don’t have to go through the hassle of re-plugging them individually.

4. Remember to stash your reusable shopping bags everywhere.

Even though I do reuse the ones I have as garbage bags for my bathrooms, plastic bags make me so anxious. They’re terrible for the environment, take thousands of years to break down, and are difficult and costly to recycle. (I like this list of reasons why they should be banned.) Thankfully, many cities are wising up and straight-up banning these flimsy atrocities altogether.

Also thankfully, there is a very easy alternative to the plastic bag and that is the increasingly present reusable shopping bag. They can be found at almost any retailer nowadays, and some stores are actually sending you away with their own branded version in lieu of any other type of bag. It’s not hard to accumulate quite the stash (in fact, I recently had to unload a bunch for the sake of storage space). What’s more difficult is actually remembering to bring them with you when you go shopping, especially for those unavoidable impromptu stops.

To combat this problem, I like to keep a few in the car and at least one in the stroller (since we walk so many places). I recommend you do the same!

I used to have this exact bag!

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5. Recycle, recycle, recycle (but do so responsibly).

First, become acquainted with what you can recycle, especially as it can vary by city (here’s Chicago’s guide or find your city’s here). Recycling can be surprisingly complicated, and unfortunately many of us (I’m definitely guilty of some of the no-nos) are aspirational yet misinformed recyclers, leading to increased contamination and, sadly, more trash. Some general tips?

Don’t bag your recycling. Doing so often results in the entire bin going to the landfill instead. This also includes leaving the recyclables in brown paper bags. Shake them out first, then throw the bag in.
Don’t recycle some of these common contamination culprits:
- Styrofoam
- Electronics
- Coffee cups
- Toys
- Plastic bags (some grocery stores recycle them, but home recyclers do not)
- Pizza boxes (unless you’ve removed the greasy parts)
- Anything stringy (like hoses or lights)
Do rinse out your food containers before recycling. Again, anything greasy or filled with food could cause the whole bin to be thrown in the trash. Anytime you feel annoyed by the 30 seconds it will take to clean a container, think of how sad it would be to clog up the landfills instead. Yes, I even mean the damn peanut butter container. Think of the planet!

Well, maybe not that last one.

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6. If it’s yellow…

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This one is going to be more controversial, but I think that’s more because of baseless societal norms than logic itself. In fact, it’s a policy that can result in major water conservation.

According to Conserve H20, the average modern toilet uses 1.6 gallons of water per flush (older toilets can use up to four times more while high-efficiency toilets use 1.28 or less). Let’s say you have an up-to-par, modern toilet and pee at home six times a day (conservative by my standards). That means you’re flushing 9.6 gallons a day. If you only flush once every three pees, or twice in that same time period, that means you’re saving roughly 4.8 gallons a day, 33.6 gallons a week, 144 gallons a month, 1,752 gallons a year! Because there is “not an infinite supply of water,” it’s important to acknowledge what a huge impact we’d have on one of our most precious resources if more people started to save this much water each day with such a simple change.

And if you’re worried about cleanliness, don’t be. Assuming you have no sort of infection, are properly hydrated, and regularly clean your toilet, holding back on flushes for a couple of hours will have no impact on the cleanliness of your home. In fact, it might even increase it because the amount of toilet particles flying into the air upon flushing will be reduced. (Real talk. Can we make it a RULE that people have to close their toilet lids before flushing? If you think I’m gross for not flushing my pee each time, just know that I’m judging you for your poo splatter.)

7. Switch to all-natural cleaning supplies.

Despite what you think of me now after having read that above suggestion, I am a clean freak.

Please. Disorderly is different than dirty, okay?

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I love to clean. Strangely enough, cleaning bathrooms is one of my preferred chores. But since I’ve become more focused on greener living, I’ve had a hard time justifying the use of potentially dangerous chemicals to so. Instead, I’ve started to use one of the oldest tricks in the book: plain old water and vinegar. Now my go-to, all-purpose cleaner, I use it almost everywhere in our apartment (sigh, I still prefer Windex for glass). I use it on our floors (for the hardwood, I add a little olive oil), in our bathrooms, on our counters, on the door handles, to dust, even to help rinse off our fruits and veggies. Everywhere.

Aside from its ridiculously low cost (so incredibly cheap; out-of-the-ballpark cheaper than any solution found in stores), I rest much easier knowing that I’m not “cleaning” my apartment with chemicals that come with warning labels, or releasing said chemicals into our air or water supply. I’m not afraid my toddler, who has been known to lick random surfaces on occasion, is going to come across the bottle, and I’m not afraid to breathe the air when I clean. Win-win-win-win-win.

Here’s my set-up. It’s about 1/3 white vinegar and 2/3 water with a few drops of lemon oil (or lemon juice if I have a fresh lemon). I bought the nozzle from a gardening spritz bottle at the dollar store and just screwed it straight onto the vinegar bottle. I keep another vinegar bottle for refills.

A Few Other Simple Tricks

These don’t need much explanation, but are always worth mentioning.

Turn off the water as you brush your teeth.
Take shorter showers.
Walk more and/or take public transportation if it’s available.
Buy locally sourced produce and meat. Better yet, try eating less meat overall.
Wash your clothes with cold water.
Pay your bills online and unsubscribe from paper notices.
Use your blinds accordingly to help regulate your home’s temperature (open during the winter and closed during the summer).
Buy second-hand toys or toys made from recycled plastic (I love Green Toys).

Educate Yourself

All of these tips help make a difference in terms of eco-friendliness, but overall I want to stress the importance of mindfulness as it relates to energy consumption (something I continue to work toward every day). In general, I think we do a poor job of thinking where energy comes from when we’re going about our daily lives. Yet much of what we do requires some level of power and has some level of impact on the Earth.

consumption-by-source-and-sector-2015

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Remember, right now, most of our energy comes from burning fossil fuels (petroleum, coal, gas). Fossil fuels are high in carbon, so burning them produces a lot of carbon dioxide, a greenhouse gas that is a leading cause of global warming. Plus, while they are naturally formed, we consider them to be non-renewable resources because the process by which they are formed takes millions of years and, no surprise, we are going through them much faster than that.

The bad news is that we simply don’t have time to waste on the climate change denial crisis going on. But…

neil degrasse tyson

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The good news is that there is a concerted effort taking place by many of the world’s top scientists to increase the efficiency, cost effectiveness, and prevalence of renewable resources, and it led to record high wind and solar production in 2015.

Long story short, there are things we can all be doing better to help improve the quality of our planet. The only way it will get better is if we all start to think outside of ourselves a little more and do the best we can, now.

What’s Next?

First, I will take a deep breath. If I already felt a little panicky about the state of our environment, doing research for this article sure as hell did not help the matter.

Not me.

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Okay.

Now, I must remind myself that becoming greener is an ongoing process. Even the above tips, which I already practice regularly, can be improved and refined. For example, I’m terrible about unplugging my phone charger each time I’m done with it. I also just now learned some of the important rules of proper recycling.

There are also countless ways I can continue to build on and enhance my personal eco initiative. I shamefully admit my dependence on paper towels and napkins. In the coming months, I’d really like to work on this, especially because we already have some of these adorable “unpaper towels.”

For more ideas of how you can reduce your carbon footprint, check out some of these lists.

Do you feel jazzed about the environment now? Because I do! Let’s do this people!

Raymond Holt is hands down one of the best characters on television. If you don’t watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine, you aren’t doing it right. I also firmly believe he’d do everything in his power to reduce his carbon footprint.

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What are your favorite eco-friendly tips?

04.08.17

by babybrownbear

The Wisdom of The Vampire Diaries

It is official, blog followers. By now, you’re aware that I’ve been steadily binge-watching my way through The Vampire Diaries. In a feat of human strength and perseverance, I can now say I am a graduate of TVD!

I use the term “graduate” very deliberately, of course, because to graduate from something suggests that an actual life accomplishment has been achieved. If I think of the time it took to watch all 171 episodes in the span of 53 days–approximately 120 hours, 7,182 minutes, or five consecutive days–in any other way, I’d be forced to ask myself some pretty tough life questions. Instead, I choose to continue with the idea that the experience has been educational.

As such, my first post in almost two months (I’m sorry!) will be to impart the wisdom I have gained from one of our country’s finest cinematic triumphs. At the very least, I’ll share some of the things it made me learn about myself.

Kermit gets me.

[Source: Instagram]

What I Learned from The Vampire Diaries

1. I know more about vampire lore than I ever thought possible.

See, this isn’t my first foray into vampire studies. I’ve done my fair share of reading about and watching vampires in all their silver screen glory. Of course, each piece of vampire literature has its own take, making for a pretty well-rounded vampire education.

For example, some vampires are to be feared (Dracula, Interview with a Vampire, or I Am Legend) while others are of the sexier and less frightening variety (The Vampire Diaries or, shudder, Twilight).

Okay, so maybe “fearsome” isn’t the right word, but this is certainly not Tom Cruise’s best look. Sometimes being a vampire means turning into a scarier version of yourself. #harshtruths

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Some vampires live in a world where their existence is common knowledge (True Blood) while most others dwell in secrecy and shadows. Can they survive–even if begrudgingly so–on animal blood? Do they require sleep? Can they go into the sun or are they confined to dark places? Are they able to eat human food or, more unconventionally, procreate? The list of potential vampire qualities is nuanced and practically endless. In talking to people about my obsession with TVD, I’ve come to realize that I can explain, in greater detail than I’d care to admit, which universe has which kind of vampire and how their differences affect their quality of life and level of human interaction.

2. If I were 164 years old, I sure as hell wouldn’t spend my time courting a 17-year-old high school student in Virginia (or anywhere else for that matter).

I know, I know. Stefan already traveled the world, lived his best life, and came home again after a long time away when he happened upon a beautiful teenager who reminded him of a long-lost love. Of course he had to stick around to learn more about her. But really, willingly going to high school again? Are you kidding me?! I can think of at least 1,757 things I’d rather do first, even if it meant waiting for the “love of my life” to graduate. College, at least, would be a much more fulfilling way to pass eternity.

Yeah, really, Stefan, WTF are you doing?

[Source]

This also begs the question: wouldn’t someone so old be more intellectually attracted to older women, women who have much more wisdom and life experience than a teenager? I get that he has been 17 for 147 years (at least in the above picture; by the end it would have been 153), but are those 17-year-old hormones still so powerful that he is more sexually enticed by a fellow 17-year-old than someone more mature? Perhaps, but if I were such an old vampire, I like to think I’d be drawn to someone a little more in the middle. But then there’s the whole human-ages-while-vampire-doesn’t conundrum. Hm. I guess I’ll never know.

3. High school is still not accurately portrayed on TV.

For one, what high school has such frequent and elaborate dances? Insane social calendar implications aside, can you imagine any high school kid having the budget for all of these costumes and gowns? Below is just a sampling of all their formal events. There would be too many to even show here. Oh, and don’t tell me they’re just rentals. These events usually end in bloodshed. No one in their right mind would return the security deposit on a blood-soaked dress.

Masquerade ball.

Founder’s Day Parade.

20s dance.

80s dance.

60s dance. Seriously, these are not high school kids!

50s dance.

Some other ball. They have a lot of balls!

Oh, hey 17-year-olds!

[Sources: here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here]

Or how about the fact that these high school kids can have sleepovers with their significant others and no one seems to care? I do realize that Elena’s parents are deceased and her guardian is a young and someone lax aunt. Still, I don’t know a single person who was allowed to conduct their life this way when they were in high school.

Just a regular morning for a high school student on TV.

[Source: Instagram @tvd_obsession]

A sleepover on a school night, no less. Even if I were allowed to sleep over with a boyfriend, the idea of being late for school as a result wouldn’t have been worth the anxiety. I guess I’ve always had my priorities straight.

[Source]

And if you thought a regular old sleepover was absurd, imagine spending a romantic weekend together at your family’s cabin! What?!

Most importantly, these kids are barely in school with all their vampire-related goings on: conducting spells, burying classmates, learning how to use a crossbow, taking lengthy trips across country with their boyfriend’s brother (okay just one girl; see sleepover comments above), traveling to a remote island to dig through a crypt, learning you’re a doppelganger (don’t even ask), being turned into a vampire, losing your humanity. That’s just scratching the surface. It’s a wonder any educational system would grant diplomas to such absentee students. I mean, did they ever even learn the struggle of deciding where to sit at lunch or having a too-heavy backpack weigh you down between classes? Do they even know what a textbook is?!

They attend college in the following season, but the real question is when did they even have time to apply?

[Source]

4. My life is way more mundane than life in a TV serial.

I’m not a supernatural creature. To my knowledge, my city isn’t overrun with supernatural creatures (though depending on what time I’m on the Red Line, I’d say that’s debatable). I–knock on wood–haven’t been around many dead bodies, I haven’t had much interaction with law enforcement, and I haven’t had nearly the amount of relationship drama that these folks have. It’s a sign of privilege, I guess, to go along living my peaceful little life and getting my fill of drama through a TV screen. But when I think of the alternative, I’m pretty grateful for it.

And here I am, sitting around and typing on a computer. The biggest explosion I’ve seen lately was when I turned on the stove.

[Source]

5. I can never say I don’t have enough time for something ever again.

You heard me before. I watched the equivalent of five straight days of TV in the span of 53. And that’s just counting the time I spent on TVD. Papa Bear and I are definitely what I’d call “TV people,” so it’s unfortunately not as if tube time was limited to vampires. If nothing else, this calculation made me realize that if something is important enough to me, I’ll make time for it. In this case, “important” meant lounging around and burning brain cells, but I’ve come to terms with it and have learned to accept who I am. Don’t worry, I mostly watched the show while Baby Bear was sleeping, so chances are good he never felt neglected.

If Netflix had eyes, this is how it would look at me. “Are you still watching?” You know goddamn well I’m still watching, Netflix.

[Source]

6. I can fangirl like the best of them.

I’ve become so entrenched in the TVD universe that I now dream about it and have found myself thinking about it at the strangest times (like at the opera, for example). I follow many of the actors on Instagram in addition to countless fan accounts (I’m honestly too afraid to count). I’ve spent way more time than a respectable 29-year-old should going down Instagram wormholes (#stelena and #delena are my personal favorite TVD hashtags). I’ve rewatched some of my favorite scenes more than twice. I cried during the series finale even though I was left disappointed by it. I even strongly considered going to the recent TVD convention in Chicago. I am, for lack of a better term, a total fangirl.

“Hello, brother.” *tear*

[Source]

7. There is real value in a guiltless guilty pleasure.

Perhaps the most important lesson I learned from this whole shebang is that having a “guilty pleasure” can actually be really good for you. There is a lot of crazy stuff happening in the world today–“crazy stuff” being a rather lighthearted euphemism. I think we’d all benefit from stepping away from it from time to time and allowing ourselves to be wholeheartedly entertained by something like The Vampire Diaries. My binge experience made me realize that there is no shame in mindlessly escaping to a fantasy world of juicy and wildly dramatic tales of lust, love, and betrayal. Quite the opposite, actually; watching the show left me feeling more relaxed, sane, and centered than before.

It also doesn’t hurt when the characters look like this.

he-usually-quite-humble-sometimes-he-sexy-he-knows

Yes, yes you do.

[Source]

So…Now What?

You know, there is a Vampire Diaries spinoff…

Must. Not. Watch. Must. Regain. Control. Of. Life.

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The Only Traveling-With-Kids Advice You Need

Some level of chaos will ensue

But it’s so worth it

TL;DR: it’s all temporary, so you might as well enjoy it

What to Pack

Must-haves

Clothes and a hat

Tools of distraction

Baby carrier

Birth certificate

Nice-to-haves

Ibuprofen

Sunscreen

Don’t bother

Pack ‘n’ play and other gear

Diapers

Top 3 Tips for Air Travel

1. Check all your crap

2. Tire your kid out before you board

3. Choose a window seat

Top 2 Tips for Car Travel

1. Plan on a few short breaks

2. Find music you and your kid will enjoy

Camping with Kids

Have Fun and Record Your Stories

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Why Bermuda Should Be Your Next Vacation Destination

1. It’s so close

2. It’s small, safe, clean, and convenient

3. Bermudians are extremely friendly and accommodating

4. The food and drinks are delicious

5. It’s gorgeous

Also Good to Know

It’s a great to place to visit with friends

None of this would have been possible without generous grandparents

But for real, if it’s within your means, you should take a weekend away from your kids

Book Your Trip!

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A Reminder That Some Tragedies Are Avoidable

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My Goals for the Year

1. I will learn how to solve a Rubik’s Cube

2. I will finally see a movie by myself

3. I will connect my phone to the Bluetooth in my car

4. I will commit to writing at least two blog posts a month

5. I will start writing a book

Let’s Do This

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Welcome to the Circus…

…where bodily fluids know no bounds

…where “germy” has taken on a whole new meaning

…where I learn as I go

…where my days are measured by coffee, wine, and diapers

…where my brain has turned to mush

…where sleep is the world’s most precious commodity

…where nap time is not to be taken for granted

…where I find my zen by whatever means necessary

…where TV is the greatest invention known to mankind

…where the car can become a torture chamber

…where small accomplishments count

…where I sometimes just have to accept pandemonium

…where my family and friends mean the world to me

…where the sweet moments make it all worthwhile

It might be Crazy Town, but at least I’m the mayor.

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[Source]

7 Simple, Eco-Friendly House Rules

1. Get yourself a reusable water bottle.

2. Turn off your lights when they’re not in use.