Category Archives: Life

06.13.16
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An Open Letter to My Son

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Dear Baby Brown Bear,

Please, please, please be a positive change in this world. Let your legacy be one of peace, unity, and love.

Unfortunately I write this to you in the wake of the deadliest shooting in U.S. history, where 50 people were killed and more than 50 more were wounded at an LGBT nightclub. It was a horrifying and hateful act. One which was sadly not altogether unexpected.

We live in a heartbreaking time where adults (and even children) are massacred and nothing changes. People who have the greatest power to affect change sit by and send their empty “prayers” and condolences on social media while families are destroyed and futures are senselessly ended. As Loud is Ladylike said, this issue is especially hard to unravel or even begin to solve as it is a sickening blend of gun violence, LGBT hate crime, and terrorism.

We also live in a time where heinous acts of sexual assault occur regularly and, again, nothing happens. In fact, only 0.6% of rapists are incarcerated. Most instances of sexual assault aren’t even reported (only one out of three is). Just recently, a rapist was given a sentence of just six months instead of the requested six years because prison “would have a severe impact on him” (he was a Stanford athlete, don’t we know?!). His father said even that was too harsh because his crime was only “20 minutes of action.” Even more disgusting, we are supposed to consider this a victory because, hey, at least he was convicted at all.

All the while, we are quickly destroying our planet. Human ignorance, denial, greed, and apathy are all contributing factors to increased greenhouse gas emissions and climate change. Pollution is at an all-time high. It’s so bad that there is a garbage island floating in our fragile oceans. Animals and plant species are rapidly going extinct. Despite the growing evidence of dire consequences already occurring, behaviors are frighteningly slow to change. We collectively take and take and take from our precious home, and at a certain point we must face that there will be nothing left.

Needless to say, I am embarrassed by how badly we are failing your generation, Baby Bear. We have the means to make a real impact, and yet we are not using them. Yes, the discussions are happening and awareness is being raised. But that is not enough. 

By no means am I saying I am perfect. I try my best to think of my carbon footprint, but I can be wasteful. I try my best to treat others kindly, but I lose my patience or make quick and unfair judgments. I’m also absolutely overwhelmed when I think about the multitude of problems we face today and can’t help but succumb to hopelessness.

While I can honestly say I don’t know what the answers are, I do know that they are not to shut down, give up, or become afraid. I know that we must embrace each other for our similarities and our differences, now more than ever. I know that for every vile human being there are even more with love in their hearts, across religions, across sexual and gender identities, across political views, across the world. I know that we must each fight for Mother Earth so we can continue to exist as a species.

I know that change won’t happen with silence or inaction. 

I promise to try my best to instill in you a sense of appreciation, humility, respect, compassion, and integrity. Your grandparents taught me from a very young age to treat others as I would like them to treat me, and I hope to teach you the same. I hope you surround others with as much love as you are surrounded with yourself. I hope you will fight for those who cannot. I hope you will try to make each day better than the day before for the people, animals, and earth around you. It will not always be easy, but I hope to give you the courage you need to stand up for and do what is right.

Baby Bear, every single positive difference you make counts. Even small, nearly imperceptible change is change.

As long as I live, I will try to lead by example. While the atrocity that occurred today in Orlando makes me want to do nothing but cuddle you in my arms and keep you safe against me, I cannot. Instead, I must devote my life to bringing more love and peace into this world so that you do the same for your children one day. I must help you grow to be the good, kindhearted, and intelligent man I know you will be.

I love you with my whole heart, Baby Bear. You are my legacy.

Yours always,

Mama Bear

 

06.10.16
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Little Free Library: A Chicago (& Worldwide) Spotlight

Little Free Libraries excites me because they encourage reading and neighborhood interaction. If you follow this blog, then you know by now that those are two things for which I’ve already demonstrated a lot of enthusiasm (here and here, for example).

A Little Free Library is very simply a free book exchange. Though they are connected through a nonprofit organization, it appears anyone can start one. For that reason, there are now more than 40,000 registered Free Little Libraries across all 50 states and in more than 70 countries worldwide. So if you’re thinking these little boxes look familiar, it’s probably because you have one near you.

The first little box I encountered (near First Slice on Ashland, one of my favorite local bakeries) piqued my interest, especially because it was so carefully decorated. Upon further inspection, I realized it’s actually affiliated with Edgewater Reads, but tomato, tomato (which really loses its pizzazz when written).

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Love at first sight at Ashland and Balmoral.

It soon became my goal to find as many of these libraries as I could. Not necessarily to collect or donate books, but rather to take in a little bit of the blocks and neighborhoods they represented.

Here are a few of my favorites from the Andersonville, Ravenswood Gardens, and Lincoln Square areas.

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Campbell and Sunnyside.

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Rockwell and Leland.
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I cannot remember the location of this one. Oops!

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Glenwood and Berwyn (woo, Andersonville and Sweden!).

Finally, after months of casually (and a little creepily) taking pictures, I decided it was high time I donate. So one day, Papa Bear, Baby Bear, and I all went for a little stroll over to the Little Free Library on Eastwood near Rockwell. I love Ravenswood Gardens, so I was happy to leave a little piece of me behind.

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Donation target at Rockwell and Eastwood.

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Our contribution.

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Adiós, friends.

Plan Your Visit

Check out this map to find a Free Little Library near you. If you can’t, start one!

05.20.16
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Unabridged Bookstore: A Chicago Spotlight

Yes, yes, yes. I’m a little late to the game, seeing as how it was voted as Chicago’s “Best New-Book Store” in 2015, but I finally made my way down to Lakeview’s Unabridged Bookstore to celebrate Independent Bookstore Day on April 30. (To clarify, “new-book store” refers to a shop where you can purchase new books instead of used books.)

Opened in 1980, it’s been a neighborhood–and city–staple for more than 35 years. Given how tumultuous the last decade has been for brick and mortar bookstores, it’s incredibly impressive how much this one thrives. If you’ll recall, I’m a huge proponent of shopping locally. For the most part, locally owned businesses just care more. They are more knowledgeable about their products and provide superior customer service than the typical big box (and certainly more than online shops). This holds especially true for Unabridged.

The staff was extremely helpful and patient. I was actually a little startled when one employee immediately recognized the titles of two rather obscure children’s books I was trying to find. Though he sadly informed me they were not in stock (which he knew without having to check), he quickly offered to order them for me. After I unsuccessfully searched for a third book, he walked me straight over to where it was hiding. It was a busy day and he didn’t need to do it, but he didn’t even bat an eye. Perhaps these things shouldn’t have impressed me as much as they did, but his sincere helpfulness seems extraordinary nowadays and I really appreciated it.

I was equally impressed with the size and variety of stock Unabridged has. I expected the store to be smaller given that it is located in a city where space is limited. Since one of my favorite pastimes is lackadaisically perusing bookstores, you can imagine my delight when I discovered I was wrong. I could have spent hours exploring all the genres and shelves Unabridged carefully curates. Since I had a hungry baby at home, my first Unabridged adventure was unfortunately cut short. However, I think it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Here’s my quick virtual tour so you can see for yourself how great Unabridged is. Keep in mind that this barely scratches the surface; I only took a handful of pictures because I felt a little creepy taking any, much less any more. I suppose you’ll just have to visit to see the rest. And if you need inspiration on what to buy, you can either ask someone or browse among the several staff recommendation stickers lining the shelves.

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Baby Bear has so much story time ahead of him!

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I’d never seen such a large area devoted to classics before. A good reminder of so many books I have yet to read.

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I love anything to do with Scandinavia, so this whole wall called to me.

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This is just part of the travel section in the basement. Being in this room gave me even more of a travel bug than I already (constantly) have.

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Unabridged Bookstore has one of the largest LGBTQ book sections in the city (if not the largest). Not shown, but right by this is a huge discounted section. It had several titles I’ve been wanting to read, including newer ones that I would never expect to be on the sale shelves. 

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It was tough, but I narrowed down my bounty to the above selection. I see several visits in our near future.

Plan Your Visit

Location and hours

Unabridged Bookstore is located at 3251 N. Broadway Street, Chicago, IL 60657. It’s open Monday through Friday from 10:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. and Saturday and Sunday from 10:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m.

Parking and transportation

There is metered street parking along Broadway and its side streets, but I’d recommend taking the Red, Brown, or Purple ‘L’ train to the Belmont stop and walking for about 10 minutes.

Stroller or carrier

Though Unabridged is large, I’d recommend using a carrier if you plan to bring your baby. It will allow you to navigate much more easily, though it’ll be harder to bend down to read the bottom shelves.

Final Word

As someone who feels pretty well versed in bookstores, I am telling you this one is exceptional. I’d make it a point to visit, and soon.

05.13.16
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Garfield Park Conservatory: A Chicago Spotlight

And now, for a lighter topic, let’s talk about one of my absolute favorite places to visit in Chicago, the Garfield Park Conservatory. First opened to the public in 1908, the Garfield Park Conservatory is one of the oldest and largest greenhouse conservatories in the U.S. (and probably the world!).

Its gorgeous, must-see campus includes two acres of public greenhouse space and 10 acres of outdoor gardens. Plus, it is free. Even if it were not, I would gladly pay 100 times over because it is so spectacular. Stepping into the warm, earthy air of the Conservatory truly makes you feel like you’ve escaped to another land.

Let me show you what I mean.

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Palm House

The largest room in the Conservatory, the Palm House is home to more than 70 palms (though it feels like hundreds) in addition to many other types of plants. As you may expect, it is very tropical (read: warm). Wear layers if it’s cold outside because you will be a little toasty in your winter attire.

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This is the Scheelea Palm. It “dates back to 1926, when it was sprouted from a seed collected on an exploring expedition to Brazil led by Chicago’s Field Museum of Natural History. The tree has survived two major room renovations and is still going strong.”
This sculpture is called “Pastoral.” Lorado Taft originally sculpted it for a 1909 art exhibition. It was moved to the Conservatory’s Palm House in 1913.

Fern Room

Though it’s hard to choose, this is probably my favorite room in the Conservatory. Jens Jensen, the Conservatory’s designer, designed this room to allow visitors to see what Illinois looked like millions of years ago. In my humble opinion, prehistoric Chicago was stunning. I could spend hours in here (if it were not quite so warm, that is).

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Horticulture Hall

A nice resting spot during the day, this room apparently turns into quite the event space at night. Right now it features a chandelier that seems to be channeling Disney’s EPCOT. The futuristic Luftwerk design “is a kinetic chandelier of water and light inspired by the circular geometry of the Flower of Life–the universal symbol of creation. With each illuminated droplet, circular trays catch the water below, magnifying ripple shadows across the floor of the Conservatory’s Horticulture Hall.” With tranquil music to accompany this design, it’s very peaceful.

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Sugar from the Sun

This room guides visitors along four botanical environments–water, air, sun, and sugar–to help them learn how plants grow and are sustained. An educational room, it’s great for learners of all ages.

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Elizabeth Morse Genius Children’s Garden

This room is the most interactive, which is fitting because it is designed as a space for children. In addition to beautiful plants and ponds, a terrace overlooking the room features a huge slide (pictured below). I expect to Baby Brown Bear will be burning a lot of energy here in the not-too-distant future. For now, there is a little baby area with mats and informative and stimulating seedling artwork.

This room’s bonus is the Golden Snitch display (also pictured below) hanging from the ceiling. Upon further investigation, I discovered that they are actually rosemary and sage-filled “fireflies” as a nod to the Pagan ritual for the Winter Solstice. But a girl can dream.

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Here are the “fireflies.” They have solar LED lights and can be seen twinkling after sunset, during the late Wednesday hours (open until 8:00 p.m.).

Desert House

This room is home to several cacti and succulents. During one recent visit, I learned that all cacti are succulents, but not all succulents are cacti. Cacti are succulents that are usually covered with spines instead of leaves. The more you know.

During my first visit, this room was actually undergoing some kind of construction. When I returned, I casually asked someone what they had done. He said, “There was a rampant snake problem they had to deal with.” He must have seen the absolute horror on my face (remember, I am extremely afraid of snakes), because he quickly added, “No, I’m totally kidding. They were just updating the room.” I still kept a close eye out for any slithering movements.

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I think this is hilarious. For 2016, I think we should call it the “Bernie Sanders Cactus” because of its resemblance.

Aroid House

This is a room I typically don’t spend much time in, but it’s a shame because it has a lot to offer. “Aroid” apparently “refers to a specific flower structure that is common to many houseplants,” so there are a lot of things that everyday gardeners may recognize here. My favorite features are the glass sculptures created by Dale Chihuly (as seen below). The “Persian Lily Pads” are a bright pop of color against an already vibrant green background.

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Show House

Before you enter the Show House, I encourage you to do a little drum roll. This room is breathtaking. Stop to soak up the dazzling array of colors before you. Breathe in the intoxicating fragrances around you. It’s honestly hard to digest so much beauty. Logistically, it’s also a good room for a break because it’s cooler than the rest.

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Outdoor Gardens

City Garden

This outdoor garden is supposed to be both an homage to urban gardens in the structure and materials used, as well as a challenge to what we expect an urban garden to be. As you can see below, it feels like an extension of the dreamland you enter when you go to the Conservatory. It’s hard to believe you’re still in Chicago.

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Monet Garden

This space, which is also quite beautiful, is inspired by Monet’s gardens in Giverney, France. From all my visits, it seems to be a less explored part of the Conservatory, so make sure you actually take the time to find it.

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Plan Your Visit

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Location and hours

The Garfield Park Conservatory is located at 300 N. Central Park Avenue, Chicago, IL 60624. It is open 365 days a year from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. every day except Wednesdays, when it stays open until 8:00 p.m.

Parking and transportation

It is easily accessible by car and even has a free parking lot next to the main entrance. I’ve never had a problem finding a spot, though I’ve never visited on a weekend. It’s also right next to the Conservatory-Central Park Drive Green Line ‘L’ stop.

Food and drink

I plan to bring a packed lunch and picnic in the gardens this summer, but in case you forget food, there’s also a gift shop that sells snacks and beverages.

Stroller or carrier?

While most of the Conservatory is handicap and stroller-friendly, the Fern Room does not have a ramp to my knowledge. Therefore I’d suggest either wearing baby or packing your carrier in your stroller so you can explore to the fullest.

Final Word

What are you waiting for? Seriously. If you have lived here all your life, you need to visit. If you only have one hour to spare, you need to visit. Stop reading this and go!

05.10.16
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Hard is Hard

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[Source]

Today I sat down and started writing a post about infertility, specifically what not to say to someone struggling with it.

Infertility is an emotionally loaded topic and one that is tough to unravel. Despite it being profoundly common–one in eight couples has difficulty conceiving or sustaining a pregnancy–infertility still carries a stigma. While it really sucked to have to deal with it myself, I like to share my experience to help break down the walls that make it so. Maybe I can help other infertile couples, or, almost more importantly, help their support networks feel better equipped to provide the kind of support the couple needs. 

But that is neither here nor there. As I was writing the post, something made me pause. When dealing with infertility, one of the most frustrating things people told me was that they “understood completely” what we were going through. As I was trying to describe why, it occurred to me that this frustration is not exclusive to infertility. This is something we all face in some way or another.

You know those memories that make you cringe when you recall them? Even years later, I feel nauseated when I think of some of the stupid, insensitive things I’ve said and done. I like to think I’m a good person, and that my friends and family know I would never try to make them feel bad. If we were purely logical beings, it wouldn’t be a problem because we wouldn’t take everything to heart. But we are human beings, and emotions are fortunately or unfortunately part of the package.

Humans are programmed to empathize. We thrive on forming connections to better understand, relate to, and support each other. But empathy is tricky. Unless we’ve experienced exactly what someone else is going through, we’d often be better off trying to show sympathy, and showing compassion for that person’s struggle instead of trying to relate to it our own.

In the case of infertility, I didn’t want people telling me that they understood because it took them “four whole months” to conceive. I also didn’t want people telling me that they understood but that we were lucky because it took them “much longer.” Either one seemed to downplay the pain I was feeling. I just wanted to wallow in a little self-pity and experience my struggle for what it was to me. I wanted someone to say they were there for me and that it sucked. That it must be hard for me. That self-pity may not have been healthy, but it was important that my emotions and feelings were validated for what they were.

Basically, I didn’t want my difficulty being compared on some kind of scale to what someone else had experienced.

Just by nature, when we empathize, we compare. We relate what we are hearing to what we know. Don’t get me wrong, we need empathy. Many of us have experienced similar things and it does feel good to talk about them. Therapeutic even. But here’s what I’ve come to realize:

Hard isn’t relative. Hard is hard.

Just because what we struggle with is different and may carry different consequences doesn’t mean one thing is easier than the other. Even when dealing with my own challenges, there is no need to belittle my current feelings because something I dealt with in the past was “harder.” It was hard then and it is hard now. This is true for anything: loss, illness, relationship struggles, weight gain, weight loss, trying to quit a bad habit, etc.; the list goes on and on. It doesn’t matter, and that’s the most eye-opening part of this realization for me.

Sometimes bad news is awkward to hear. We often don’t know what to say or how to respond, so we stammer out the first thing that pops into mind. We mean well, of course, but a lot of times whatever we say is just not helpful. In a lot of ways we’re automatically programmed to find common ground when instead we should accept that our problems aren’t relative to each other. They are problems and they are hard. Period.

The idea of giving ourselves space to feel what we feel is freeing. It’s important to know that when someone does compare your hard situation to one of theirs, they are most likely trying to be helpful. We’re all just trying to relate to each other, so there’s no point in harboring resentment. It doesn’t matter if what you are going through seems to you to be miles ahead of where they are; hard is hard.

Similarly, we should cut ourselves some slack when feeling guilty because we can’t relate to someone else’s challenge. It’s okay to sympathize and not quite understand. You don’t need to apologize for your life’s challenges or lack thereof. At some point, you’ve surely faced some kind of problem. It doesn’t matter to what degree we experience pain or sorrow; hard is hard. We don’t have to live the same lives to support and acknowledge each other.

Most of the time, no matter the struggle, we’d be better off just saying, “I’m so sorry you’re going through that. I am here for you.” Accepting and practicing this would probably make all of our relationships richer.

From now on, I pledge to do my best to put this revelation into practice. When my friends and family are struggling, I want to be there for them in a supportive way and will try not unintentionally diminish or undermine their feelings by comparing my struggles to theirs, even if I’m just trying to connect with them. Instead, I will try to be better at lending a sympathetic ear and acknowledging their struggle at face value, without figuring out how it fits in my own life’s spectrum of difficult experiences.

Let’s all embrace that life can be hard, no matter what “hard” means to you. We’re all just trying to figure out what it all means anyway. There’s no sense in making in making that harder.